


I Leave My Heart in the Dust Where You Walk

by whispered_story



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Boss/Employee Relationship, Coming Out, Community: spn_j2_bigbang, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Character Death, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2014, brief Jensen/OMCs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 39,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4755701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen's life is pretty simple: he runs the ranch his parents left him, spends what little time off he has with his best friends, and occasionally drives for miles to hook up with men he will never have to see again. He tells himself he isn't really gay and that he's happy with the life he leads. But then Jared – tall, beautiful and vibrant – arrives on the ranch looking for work, and Jensen begins to question who he is and what he really wants. Featuring: puppies, horses, skinny dipping, mud fights, sex in a hayloft, and meddling best friends. [repost, first posted 27/06/2014]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> the amazing art by [dephigravity]() can be found [here](http://dephigravity.livejournal.com/100348.html).
> 
> Title taken from "Ride Me Down Easy" by Waylon Jennings.

Jensen Ackles would never consider his life special.

He isn't famous, and he isn't particularly rich. He likes to think he's smart, but he's not a genius either. And while he knows he's fairly good-looking, he scoffs when people claim he could be a model – he's a rancher: most days he's dirty, sweaty, and scruffy.

Yet, in a small town like Clover Hill, Texas, Jensen feels like he sticks out like a sore thumb. His friends tell him he's exaggerating, but Jensen is all too aware of what people are saying about him behind his back.

Too young to successfully run a ranch on his own. Too old to still be a bachelor. Poor Jensen who lost his parents way too early and was left all alone in this world, with no other family to support him.

He hears the whispers, feels the pitying stares like a weight on his shoulders.

And it's not even any of those things that make Jensen feel different. It's not that he lost his mother two weeks before he was about to head off to college. Or that, in the end, he never left, never got to do his own thing, because he had to stay and help his dad with the ranch. It's not that his dad died four years later, three days after Jensen's 22nd birthday, and left him all alone. 

Jensen was left to shoulder all the work, all the responsibility, and the crushing pressure to carry on his parents' legacy. It's tough and there are days when Jensen wishes he was anyone else, anywhere else, but that's life. He knows he's far from the only one in town who hasn't always had an easy life. 

What makes Jensen not fit in, though, is the one thing nobody – with the exception of his best friend – knows about him. That, when he was nineteen, he lost his virginity to a guy in a seedy motel an hour's drive away from Clover Hill and afterward cried because he liked it. That when girls in town try to flirt with him, try to get him to ask them out, Jensen pretends not to notice because no matter how much he wants to, how much he tries, he can't muster up any interest. Instead, a handful of times a year he drives miles and miles to slink into a gay bar and find a guy to hook up with, because Jensen isn't gay, but it's the only thing that makes the itch under his skin go away.

What makes him different is that for all the whispers and all the pity, nobody knows how truly fucked up Jensen is.


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen tries to go unnoticed as he slips into the bar, _Bliss_ , but a few heads turn anyway. He swears he can feel the way he is being checked out, eyes roaming over his body like he's a particular interesting animal in a zoo.

He's used to it, at least in here, and he doesn't mind. Not exactly. He came here with the intention to catch someone's interest, after all, but he never quite let go of his fear that one day coming to the bar would be the beginning of the end.

Shouldering past a group of guys, Jensen does a quick glance around the bar to see if he recognizes anyone. If anyone recognizes _him_. He's a good thirty miles away from his ranch, from Clover Hill, but in Jensen's book you can never be careful enough. The stakes are too high, the risk too real.

He relaxes once he's made sure the only people he recognizes in the bar are Joe – the bartender who has been here since the first time Jensen stepped foot into a bar years ago – and a few patrons he thinks he remembers from previous visits.

It's an irrational fear he has, strolling into the bar one day and coming face to face with someone he knows from back home. Clover Hill is tiny and Jensen is pretty sure there's not a single soul living there that has ever entered a place like this – and if they have, they'd probably want to keep it a secret as much as Jensen does – but there's still this voice in the back of his mind that whispers _what if_ every time he comes here. He doesn't want to find out what would happen if he ever ran into someone from home in a place like this. In a gay bar.

He supposes he could always act as if he had no idea. From the outside, the bar looks like every other bar in Texas and it's not much different inside either – cheesy music, loud, drunk chatter, and the smell of beer and smoke. The only significant difference is that women are rare in here.

Straightening a little, Jensen makes his way to the bar and takes a seat on one of the empty barstools.

"Long time no see," Joe says, and puts a beer down in front of Jensen without being asked.

"Busy," Jensen replies curtly, but politely. "Thanks."

Joe nods at him and moves on to the next customer. He tried to engage Jensen in small talk the first couple of times he came here, probably feeling sorry for the lone guy coming in and sitting down at the bar, but he quickly gave up on it. Jensen doesn't really like to share much about himself, especially not here.

He takes a sip of his beer, letting the cool liquid slide down his throat, and then looks around more intently. Most guys are in groups of two or more, but there are a few guys like Jensen, sitting or standing around on their own and Jensen checks them out subtly.

A guy sitting a few stools down the bar catches his attention, because he's looking straight at Jensen and gives him a small smile when their eyes meet. He's blond, slim, and definitely interested in Jensen. It's all he needs. Jensen has never been one to beat around the bush and play hard to get – he's not here for a cool beer and conversation.

"Hey, Joe," he calls out when the bartender passes him. "Two shots, one for me and one him."

He nods down the bar at the guy, and Joe grins. "Coming right up."

+

Three hours later, Jensen noiselessly closes the door to the motel room he'd booked for the night and leaves. The guy he'd picked up at the bar – Connor? Casper? Collin? – is still sleeping peacefully in the bed, a pillow having been placed in the spot where Jensen was lying not ten minutes earlier.

The contentment Jensen had felt right after the sex is slowly fading as he gets into his truck. He opens the window, lets the cool night air in, and sighs.

He can't help feeling like he did something wrong. His skin is itching with dried sweat and he can still feel the guy's hands on him, his kisses, the way he'd felt around Jensen. It's not a good feeling.

He always feels vaguely dirty after these hookups, knowing that he's done something most people he knows wouldn't approve of. The first few times he was with a guy, he promised himself he wouldn't come to the bar again, but Jensen has given up on trying to fool himself. It still makes guilt rise up in him sharply, but he knows a few months from now, he'll feel the itch again and he'll cave. He'll drive out here, find a guy he'll leave behind a few hours later, feeling no more satisfied than when he came.

Jensen starts the car and leaves.

+

Jensen is up and working again at dawn the next day.

He's used to running on little to no sleep, and he tries not to think about what exactly it was that kept him up the night before. He never does. His trips to Bliss are something he doesn't think about too hard. Most of the time, they feel like a different life, almost, like he's someone else those nights. A murky, weird dream you barely remember when you wake up, and have completely forgotten about a few hours later. When he returns to the ranch, he's back to being Jensen. Back to reality.

And reality is this: the _Ackles Ranch_ , work, routine. The nights he spends with guys are not a part of that.

It's a carefully built construct, his life, and Jensen knows it. Yet, he never expects it to crumble.

+

Jensen is cleaning out the cow barn when he hears the roar of an engine, getting louder as the car comes up the driveway before the sound cuts off.

He isn't expecting anyone and people rarely drop by unannounced these days. It used to be different – back when his parents were still alive and people from town would come by to chat with his mother, have a coffee and a piece of homemade pie that they never seemed to run out of, or to get a bottle of the fruit schnapps his father brewed in his free time. His parents were social, friends with what felt like half the people in town or from surrounding ranches.

Jensen has always been his parents' polar opposite. He likes being on his own, likes the quietness of the ranch. Even back when he went to school in town, he never really had many friends and spent his free time helping out on the ranch instead of hanging out with people his age.

Danneel and Chris are the only close friends he has these days, and since they both work for him, Jensen doesn't even have to leave the ranch to spend time with them. Sometimes, they coerce him into going to a bar with them, and four or five times a year they manage to talk him into inviting a few friends to the ranch for a barbecue or to watch a game together. The only other times Jensen goes to town is when it's business-related or he needs groceries.

He's not a hermit, not really, but the ranch is a lot of work and Jensen doesn't have time to be social even if he wanted to be. Danneel and Chris depend on him for their paychecks, the animals depend on him to keep them alive, and he owes it to his parents' memory to run the business they spent their lives building from the ground.

Jensen leaves the pitchfork to lean against the open door and pulls off his work gloves as he steps out of the barn to see who the unannounced visitor might be.

The car sitting in the driveway takes him by surprise – it's a truck, but unlike those that people in this part of the country drive, it's clean and shiny, no layer of dust and dirt covering the paint.

The guy who gets out of it mirrors his car. He's tall and built and entirely too put together. Despite being dressed the part of a guy from the country – boots and jeans and plaid shirt – the clothes are too new, still too neat.

"Can I help you?" Jensen calls out as he gets closer.

"Are you Jensen Ackles?" the guy asks, with a wide and friendly smile that forms dimples in his cheeks. Jensen suddenly feels queasy for entirely different reasons.

"Yeah, that's me," he replies with a nod.

The guy runs a hand through his messy hair and sticks his other hand out to Jensen. "Hi. I'm Jared. Padalecki."

Jensen takes the hand, reflex and manners kicking in. The guy's hand is bigger than Jensen's in a way Jensen is not used to at all and his grip is firm. His skin isn't rough like that of most of the people Jensen knows, not calloused from manual labor.

"Good to meet you, Mr. Padalecki," Jensen says, only stumbling over the name a little. "What can I do for you?"

"Jared is fine. And I was actually hoping you might have work for me? I was told in town that if anyone is looking to hire some help around here, it's you," Jared says, looking almost hesitant.

Jensen raises his eyebrows. He hasn't been looking for help – he, Chris, Danneel are a good team, running the ranch efficiently. The only time of the year Jensen ever takes on helpers is during harvest season. "Not really," he admits, and Jared's face falls a little.

"Oh. The lady at the grocery store in town said you might be. But, uh, okay. Sorry to bother you then," he says a bit awkwardly.

Jensen lets out a small groan. "Mrs. Harris."

Jared, who looked like he was about to turn around and get in his car again, halts and gives Jensen a small, confused smile. "What?" 

"The woman who runs the grocery store? Mrs. Harris. She's the mother of my best friend," Jensen explains. "And she likes to meddle."

"Meddle how?" Jared cocks his head to the side, looking curious.

Jensen huffs. "She thinks I work too much. Or, well, that her daughter, who is one of my ranch hands, works too much," he tells Jared. "She's been trying to talk me into hiring another help for months, so I guess she finally got sick of trying to change my mind and took things into her own hands."

"I know those kind of people," Jared says and lets out a small laugh. "Well, let me get out of your hair then. Sorry, again."

"No problem," Jensen replies and Jared turns around with a small wave. The movement makes the muscles under his shirt move, fabric stretched over broad shoulders and big biceps. Up close, he looks even taller and stronger than from a few feet away, and Jensen thinks he could probably lift twice the amount the rest of them and they really have been working a lot lately.

"Hey, wait," he calls out, listening to his gut which is suddenly telling him not to just let Jared go. That, despite how much he'd denied it before, hiring another person might actually be a good idea. Jared stops.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any experience working on ranches?" Jensen asks, and Jared raises his eyebrows.

"A bit. My grandparents had a ranch and I spent most summers there while growing up. I used to follow my grandpa around all day and I helped out once I was old enough."

"Yeah? You know how to ride a horse?"

Jared leans against the open door of his truck, elbow on the window that rolls down halfway, and gives him a cocky grin. "Of course I can. Been practically riding since I learned how to walk."

"How do you feel about manual labor? Mucking stalls, fixing fences, that kinda thing."

Jared shrugs. "I'm asking for a job on a ranch, aren't I? I'm not expecting to spend my days riding through fields and watching the sunset."

"Well, good. You'll be too tired to watch the sun set most nights anyway," Jensen says, and Jared ducks his head, looking at him.

"Thought you weren't hiring?"

"Well, don't tell her I told you this, but Mrs. Harris is probably right. We really could use another helping hand around here and you look like you're the right man for the job," Jensen replies. "Despite your clothes."

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Jared asks, tone indignant and Jensen laughs.

"They're clean, for one," he says, and Jared frowns.

+

Jensen gives Jared a short tour of the ranch, deciding that the stalls can wait for another hour. Jared's presence triggers a sudden feeling of excitement inside of him that takes him by surprise. It's been him, Danneel, and Chris for so long now that his life has become routine – it's the same faces, same work, same topics of conversation, and Jensen hadn't even noticed. He does now though, as he shows Jared around and patiently answers his questions.

It's not a big ranch – Jensen has a small herd of dairy cows, hens, a big vegetable garden, a few horses, and a few fields with corn and grain. Jensen likes having a bit of everything, sustaining himself. A lot of money comes in from leasing parts of the land to surrounding ranches, and selling their products in the surrounding towns. He likes to think of the ranch as a family business – it's certainly always felt like that to him, anyway.

Maybe this is what he needs, though, someone new to change things up a little. What they all need. There's something about the way Jared talks, the way he moves, that feels easy and comfortable to Jensen.

He shows Jared the annex building that the ranch hands always stay in, the kitchen and living room in the main house, the barns, paddocks and finally the stables.

"This is Shadow. Short for Shadowfax, but we never really called him that," Jensen says, stopping by the first stall. He strokes a hand down the horse's light-colored muzzle and laughs when Shadow neighs softly.

"Lord of the Rings fan?" Jared asks, sounding amused and Jensen feels his cheeks heat up a little.

"Kinda, yeah. My mom used to name all of our horses after horses from books or movies and we kept the tradition up after, well..." Jensen trails off, not used to having to explain about his mother. Everyone in town knows what happened, most of them attended both his parents' funeral and nobody talks about them anymore these days. At least not in Jensen's presence.

Jared shifts, and when Jensen glances at him he sees a look of understanding passing his face, but Jensen is glad when he doesn't comment.

"The black mare over there is Blaze, our oldest," he goes on, trying to sound lighter. "And we have two more, Snowfire and Beau, but they're out with Chris and Danneel right now. My ranch hands."

"Did you grow up on the ranch?" Jared asks.

"Yeah. My parents bought the ranch a couple of years before I was born, right after they got married."

"And your dad?" Jared asks.

"He passed away a few years ago," Jensen replies, giving Jared a look that's probably more of a grimace.

"I'm sorry," Jared says, voice quiet and sincere, and his hand brushes against Jensen's arm for a split second. "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. It's been a while," Jensen says, and musters up a smile. "I've been running the ranch on my own ever since, with Chris and Danneel. They're out checking up on the cattle right now, but you'll meet them later."

It's an obvious change of topic, but if Jared notices he doesn't comment. Instead he nods and smiles broadly. "Great. I'm looking forward to it."

"We should probably discuss payment and such, too," Jensen says. "I have a standard contract drawn up that you can look over later. I can't pay much, but room and board are free."

"That's fine. A place to stay and food is really all I need," Jared says, and Jensen feels relieved he doesn't seem to expect much. Two of his father's ranch hands left when Jensen had to tell them he had to curtail their wages a few months after his father passed away. The hospital bills had been a huge financial setback and the prices for cattle that year had been bad, and Jensen had barely been keeping his head above water back then. Chris was the only one who stayed, and Danneel had offered to help out and then never left.

Over the last few years, they'd become a good team and after the initial struggle, things had gotten better. They're doing well now, but just like Danneel's mother has been telling them, they've been working too much. Danneel and Chris have never once complained, but Jensen knows they'll probably be happy to hear he's hiring someone else.

He finishes showing Jared around, while giving him a quick rundown of their daily schedule, the work he'd expect Jared to do.

"So, still want to stay?" he asks when they're finished and make their way back to the main building.

"Definitely," Jared replies with an eager nod. "It's a beautiful place."

The words make Jensen's lips quirk up into a smile, pride welling up inside of him. "Yeah, it is," he agrees.

+

By the time Danneel and Chris return, Jared has changed into a washed out pair of jeans and an older shirt – looking entirely too cheerful when Jensen had given him an approving nod – and is helping Jensen in the barn.

Danneel and Chris both look surprised when Jensen introduces them, and Jared greets them with the same wide smile he'd given Jensen earlier.

"How did this happen?" Danneel asks, giving Jensen a look.

Jensen shrugs, not quite sure how to explain why he offered Jared a job when he isn't quite sure himself. Instincts and the almost crestfallen look on Jared's face aren't a sufficient answer, and he knows it.

"He asked," he simply says, and Danneel laughs.

"You're a weird one, Jensen Ackles," she says, but she hipchecks him and then looks at Jared, who is watching them. "So, Jared – ready to be hazed to be accepted into our midst?"

"Hazed?" Jared asks, sounding a bit worried.

Danneel smirks. "Sure. We need to get you drunk and make you spill all your dirty secrets before you can officially become one of us."

"Is this a new thing? We've never done that before," Chris says, cocking his head to the side.

"It's not new. We just never met anyone new to haze, is all," Danneel replies easily, and Jensen snorts.

"I'm pretty sure that makes it a new thing, Danni."

"Oh shut up, and let me get the new guy drunk to get some dirt on him," she complains, and Jared raises his hands.

"Hey, no arguing. I don't mind anyway – I'm an open book, no secrets."

"Hmm, we'll see. Everyone has secrets," Danneel says. There's something in her tone that makes Jensen wonder if she's really just talking about Jared, or if she's referring to him. 

She's the one person who knows what Jensen sometimes gets up too, but she's also the only person in the world he trusts completely and without a doubt.

+

"So," Danneel says, taking the bottle of beer out of Jensen's hand and bringing it to her own lips.

Jensen frowns at her, but doesn't try to stop her. He was going to cut himself off after this anyway, knowing he'd regret it in the morning if he actually got drunk. Danneel seems to have no such qualms, already a few drinks ahead and showing no signs of stopping any time soon.

Chris isn't far behind, his curses and yells filtering in from the living-room where he's engaged in an intense car racing battle with Jared that Jared was winning hands down when Jensen left to get another drink.

Danneel leans against the kitchen island and sways a little, and Jensen rests a hand on her hip to steady her. "So," he echoes.

"You hired a Jared."

Jensen gives her an amused look. "I did."

"He seems really nice," Danneel says. " _Really_ nice."

"Yeah."

"And _tall_ ," Danneel adds, stressing the word and Jensen has no idea what she's trying to say, but he nods anyway.

"Yeah, he's tall, Danni," he agrees, and Danneel grins. She leans in and kisses his cheek.

"I'm glad. Nice and tall is good," she says, and Jensen laughs, patting her side.

"Okay, boozer," he teases. "I'm actually starting to regret hiring him, 'cause now you and Chris will be hungover as fuck tomorrow and we'll never get any work done."

"Will too."

"Oh please," Jensen huffs. "Chris and you had shots. You and shots are a horrible combination."

" _Two_ shots. That's nothing."

"Three," Jensen corrects. "Remember my twenty-first birthday? Where I spent most of the night and the next day holding your hair back while you were puking because you had too much tequila? Or the time you had shots with your cousin and hooked up with that douchebag Sam Anderson?"

"That was because you weren't there to stop me, not because I had shots," Danneel replies and sticks her lower lip out in an exaggerated pout. "Plus, I'm older and wiser now. My life is a douchebag-free zone."

"Probably because your boyfriend would protest if you continued to sleep with jerks," Jensen reminds her.

"My boyfriend is awesome," Danneel says happily, and Jensen laughs.

"He is."

" _Relationships_ are awesome," Danneel continues and gives Jensen a look that's way too pointed for someone as tipsy as her.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You should."

Jensen sighs and grabs the forgotten beer from her hand. "Okay, I think that's enough for you. The fridge is off limits for you and Chris for the rest of the night, and we're going back to the living-room now," he decides. "Chris and Jared are oddly quiet. They might have killed each other."

"They might have decided to finish the rest of the tequila," Danneel replies, and Jensen groans, wrapping his hand around Danneel's wrist as he drags her out of the kitchen.

+

As Jensen predicted, Danneel is hungover the next morning, and Chris isn't faring much better. They take a bunch of painkillers with their coffee and Danneel groans every time someone speaks in anything but a whisper.

Luckily, Jared is doing fine – Jensen tells Danneel pointedly it's because he, like Jensen, didn't have shots and Danneel shoots back it's because Jared is a giant – and he's happy to pick up the others' slack.

If Jensen had any doubt about hiring Jared, they quickly vanish over the course of the day. Jared, for one, isn't afraid to get dirty – he is, in fact, oddly gleeful when he ends up with hay and dirt all over his clothes and hair – and he's a hard worker.

He mucks the stalls without complaints, checks food and water without Jensen having to ask, doesn't mind getting up earlier, and he helps making dinner even though he quite clearly doesn't know the first thing about cooking.

And then Jensen sees him getting on a horse for the first time and wonders how he ever doubted that Jared belongs on a ranch. Despite his height, he looks graceful and there's an easiness to the way he rides and handles the horses. Shadowfax, who has always been Jensen's horse, doesn't seem bothered the least to have Jared riding him and Jensen feels almost jealous, seeing how easily Jared connects with him.

Jared, it seems, is fitting in seamlessly – both with the animals and the people. Danneel is sold the second Jared tells her she can drive his truck when she admires it and Chris is acting as if Jared and he have been buddies for years, even though he is almost as anti-social as Jensen is.

Over a dinner of baked potatoes and steak, Jensen realizes that Jared is also more chatty than anyone else he's ever met in his life, and they've barely even sat down before he and Chris end up in a discussion about all the trouble they used to get into as teenager.

"Me and Jensen here used to sneak out at night and meet by the pond at the edge of the property," Chris starts with a grin after Jared is done telling him about the time he slipped out of his bedroom through the window and went to a party that was busted by the cops only half an hour after he got there, and his parents ended up grounding him for the rest of the school year. Jensen groans, realizing he's being dragged into the conversation whether he wants to or not.

"And what? Play hide and seek? Splash around in the mud?" Jared teases, mashing his potato into little pieces with his fork before squirting ketchup on it. Jensen, who is sitting across from him, looks on in disgust, restraining himself from telling Jared that that's not how you eat a baked potato.

"Ha, my parents wished that was what we were getting up to," Chris replies. "My granddad was always a scatterbrain, so I used to swipe liquor from him without him noticing. First time we got drunk was off some godawful cheap whiskey one of those nights. Of course you could smell it from a mile away the next morning and our parents were so freaking mad. Remember, Jensen?"

"Do I remember? It was the biggest dressing-down I got in my life. Of course I remember," Jensen huffs.

"Well, it wasn't the worst we got up to."

"Yeah? What else did you do?" Jared asks, interest obviously peaked.

"This and that. Broke into an abandoned ranch house that's on the other side of town with friends once and nearly got caught. Brawls, recreational drug use, cutting school, those kinda things," Chris lists. "Got fake IDs when we were sixteen to get a tattoo."

"You got a tattoo?"

Chris laughs, and Jensen glares at him across the table. " _I_ did. Jensen chickened out once we got to the tattoo parlor."

"It was some backdoor place that probably had no license!" Jensen chimes in. "I wasn't about to risk my health for a tattoo I would have regretted a couple years later, anyway."

"Chicken," Chris repeats, sticking out his tongue before turning to Jared. "But Danneel was always the wild child out of the three of us."

"Was not," Danneel says.

"You got arrested once," Chris reminds her, and Danneel huffs.

"Oh please. Not that old story."

"Public indecency," Jensen adds, feeling a lot better about discussing Danneel's indiscretions than his own. "She and two of her girlfriends decided one summer that it was unfair that guys could walk around shirtless and girls couldn't, so they stripped down to nothing but their shorts in the middle of the bar downtown. And you can't even claim youthful stupidity, cause you were what? Twenty-one? Twenty-two?"

Jared laughs. "Seriously? And someone called the cops on you?"

"Oh no. They were already there, having a drink. Remember Jim Beaver? He felt so sorry for having to take Danneel in, mostly because he's close friends with Danneel's dad and he was so freaking embarrassed."

Danneel shrugs, but then she grins. "It was a political statement and I stand by that. It's not fair that there are different rules for men and women, and I would do it again," she says. "Plus, Jeff got flustered every time I talked to him after that. Took him six months to man up and ask me out, but better late than never."

"Jeff?" Jared asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yup," Danneel says. "He owns the bar."

"And Danneel had a crush on him since I can't even remember when. She used to try and sneak into the bar before she was twenty-one to ogle him. Of course, everyone in this town knows everyone so it never worked," Jensen teases.

"He told me he totally noticed my attempts, though," Danneel says with a smirk. "He just thought it was wrong to ask me out back then because I was only nineteen."

"Oh. So he's older then?" Jared asks, and Jensen notices how carefully he's phrasing the question.

"He was thirty-two back then," Danneel says. "He's thirteen years older than me."

Jared hesitates for a moment, then he wrinkles his nose. "Yeah, okay, I bet that got people to talk when you were nineteen. It's not too bad, though."

"Oh, people still talked when we did get together a few years ago. Believe me, I got to hear plenty of opinions on the whole thing," Danneel says, but she doesn't sound bothered and Jensen knows she isn't anymore. In a small town like Clover Hill, Danneel and Jeff had been a hot topic for a while and he'd had to listen to Danneel ranting and raving about it more than once. But they proved everyone wrong when they didn't break up after a few months and Jensen supposes most people who had judged their relationship at first had gotten used to the two of them after a while and moved on to newer and more exciting gossip.

"What about you?" Chris suddenly asks, pointing at Jared with the neck of his beer bottle.

"Me?" Jared asks. "I'm not dating older bartenders. But hey, thanks for asking, buddy."

Chris grins. "I mean, what's the worst thing you ever did? We shared the heavy stuff with you, kid. There's gotta be something worse than sneaking out to a party in high school."

The easy, cheerful expression on Jared's face vanishes, the smile getting tense. "Depends on whether you ask me or my parents," he says, tone sarcastic.

"What does that mean?" Danneel asks, and Jensen kicks her under the table.

"Danneel," he mutters.

"What?"

"Don't be so damn nosy," Jensen warns before offering Jared a reassuring smile. "You don't have to answer that question if you don't want to."

"It's fine," Jared says. "It's just that my parents and I don't always see eye to eye on how I live my life. They could probably give you a long list of things I've done wrong – ending with dropping out of law school this summer."

Law school, Jensen thinks, and tries to imagine Jared in an expensive suit in a courtroom, looking all serious with his hair slicked back, and he just can't picture it.

Next to Jensen, Chris chuckles. "Yeah, that sounds like the kind of thing parents wouldn't look too kindly on."

"No shit." Jared snorts, picking up his beer and taking a long swig from it. "It was what they wanted me to do all along – lawyer, or doctor or some shit like that. And I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life, so I went along with it, but, well, I realized one day that I wasn't happy and that I would never be happy unless I changed something. So I dropped out, packed up my apartment and left. My parents freaked, but I got to do what's best for me."

"And have you figured out what exactly that is? What you want to do?" Jensen asks, and Jared smiles at him across the table.

"I think I do," he says. "Always thought my grandpa was living the best life there was, you know?"

+

Sharing the ranch's workload between four of them instead of three makes a bigger difference than Jensen had thought it would, so now that Jared is there they all get to have more free time than ever before.

Jensen never minded working long hours, but he knows Chris and Danneel both appreciate the time off they're getting now.

With Jeff working nights and Danneel being busy on the ranch by day, Jensen knows it's got to put a strain on their relationship. Danneel never complains and they make it work as best as they can, Jeff coming to see Danneel when things on the ranch aren't too hectic, and Danneel driving into town every free moment she gets, but it's not ideal.

It's tougher for Chris, Jensen suspects, even though they never really talked about it. He's been dating Genevieve for almost a year, but they're still trying to find a balance between their jobs and their relationship. It doesn't help that Genevieve lives one town over and the drive isn't as short as it is for Jeff. She comes up for the weekend sometimes and Chris spends his days off at her place, but Jensen doubts either of them are going to be happy with that forever.

With Jared around now, they've managed to come up with a schedule that gives Chris and Danneel more days off, and Chris especially seems to be happier with the new arrangement.

"Genevieve is talking about sending Jared a fruit basket," he says with a laugh when he comes home the morning after spending the night at Gen's.

Jared, who is just coming out of the stables, calls out, "Tell her I prefer candy!" and Chris tips his hat at him.

"You getting laid more often is doing wonders for your mood," Jensen notes, and Chris just grins.

"You should try it, Ackles," he quips, and Jensen just rolls his eyes at him.

+

Jensen is tinkering with the engine of the truck that used to belong to his father, when Jared joins him. The old Ford hasn't been running right for a while and it's been sitting around, collecting dust, but something about seeing Jared's pristine truck in their driveway made Jensen want to start working on this one. It used to be his father's pride and joy, back when he first got it, and Jensen suddenly feels guilty for letting it rust away like that.

"I was thinking we should get a dog," Jared says without preamble.

"What?" Jensen asks, and Jared leans against the side of the hood with his hip and grins.

"We should get a dog," he repeats. "What self-respecting ranch doesn't have a puppy or two running around?"

Jensen shrugs. "My mom never liked dogs," he says simply, and he can tell it was the wrong thing to say by the way Jared goes quiet, looking almost stricken.

"We have cats," he adds, trying to sound light, and Jared nods.

"Yeah, we do. It was a stupid idea anyway, sorry," he says, and Jensen hates it. People walk on eggshells around him, like they expect him to fall apart at even the mention of his parents, but Jared isn't supposed to be one of those people. Jensen needs Jared to be different, to be someone who doesn't treat Jensen like he's made out of glass, because he's not. Losing his parents had been tough, but Jensen is a grown man and he's okay. It's just that the people in Clover Hill look at Jensen and still see the eighteen year old boy who stood crying over his mother's grave, the day of her funeral, and didn't look at anyone, didn't speak a word that day. They remember the young man who, when his father died, got drunk on whiskey and slept in the stables, in front of the stall of his dad's favorite horse.

Jared doesn't know that guy, and Jensen doesn't want him to. He doesn't want Jared's pity, doesn't want him to be so tentative with him, and it makes him wonder if he's heard things about him. People in town like to talk – there's not much else to do in Clover Hill – and Jensen knows they like to talk about him in particular, even now. Danneel tells him it's because he's so withdrawn, because he doesn't share anything about himself with anyone other than her and Chris.

Jensen clears his throat. "It's actually a great idea," he says, and even if it comes out a little forced, it isn't a lie.

"Really?"

"Sure. You're right, a dog might be a good idea around here."

Jared grins. "Awesome, man. 'Cause those cats you were mentioning? They live in the barn, eat mice, and avoid humans. They're not the cute, fluffy type of kitten you can cuddle with."

Jensen groans. "Please tell me we're not getting a cute, fluffy dog for cuddling."

"Well, it's your ranch," Jared says slowly.

"But you'll mope if I don't let you pick the dog," Jensen finishes the thought, and Jared shrugs sheepishly. It's only been a couple of weeks, but Jensen likes to think he knows Jared pretty well by now.

"Maybe," Jared admits. "But I was thinking big and rambunctious might fit in better than cute and fluffy. I'm not compromising on the cuddling part though."

"Of course not," Jensen says. "Fine, you go find us a dog and the rest of us get a veto right."

"You won't need that. I'll choose the perfect dog," Jared promises and Jensen smiles.

"And if not you'll present us with a whole list of reasons why the dog is perfect for us and change our minds?"

"You bet," Jared agrees with a laugh. Jensen grins back at him helplessly, and can't help thinking about how much Jared is changing his life without even doing much.

He was perfectly content before Jared came along. Chris and Danneel are his best friends, have been all his life, and they're his support system, his family, and the two people who know him better than anyone else in the world. But since the day his mother died, Jensen felt like there was something missing, something that wasn't quite right, and Jared seems to fill some the emptiness Jensen has been feeling since his parents' deaths. He's big, loud, and impossible to ignore; and without meaning to, he's slowly making Jensen's life better.

+

Jensen is leaning against the fence around the pasture behind the stables, watching Blaze, one of the mares. He's gotten all of his chores for the day done earlier than usual, and decided to reward himself instead of finding more work to do. He rarely does this, taking a little time off from work to just take it all in, enjoy the beauty of the ranch instead of focusing on the work he has to do.

It feels peaceful, standing in the late afternoon sun, watching Blaze eat grass leisurely. He's started to notice how old Blaze is getting, movements a little slower, temper a little tamer. She was born on the ranch when Jensen was still a kid, and she'd been his mother's horse – Jensen thinks that's why he has a soft spot for her. He can still remember his mom sitting on top of Blaze, riding over the pastures with a wide, carefree smile on her face.

His thoughts are interrupted by approaching footsteps, and he turns his head to find Danneel walking up to him and he gives her a small smile. 

"So, I hear we're getting a dog," she says, as she leans against the fence next to Jensen.

Jensen just hums in agreement.

"Because Jared wants one."

"Because it's a good idea. He just brought it up, and I agree with him," Jensen corrects and glances at her, pretending he doesn't know what Danneel is getting at.

"Right," she says. "You'd dye your hair blue and walk around in a pink tutu if Jared asked you to, Jensen."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you're a pushover when it comes to him."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "That's ridiculous. Agreeing to have a dog on a ranch does not make me a pushover."

"So if Chris or I had suggested it, you'd have agreed, too?"

Jensen scratches the back of his neck, the late afternoon sun warm on his exposed skin. "Of course," he says, trying hard not to actually think about it because he's not so sure Danneel doesn't have a point.

"Yeah, right," Danneel says with a huff. "Look, I think it's cute, the way he gets to you."

"He doesn't get to me," Jensen argues.

"Jensen, there's nothing wrong with having a crush on the guy, okay?" Danneel says, resting a hand on his arm and squeezing it softly. "Hell, I'm pretty sure Chris has a crush on him, and he's straight."

Jensen feels his gut tighten, throat closing up. " _I'm_ straight," he grits out, giving Danneel a pointed look.

Danneel doesn't look affected, just raises an eyebrow at him. "Jensen."

"I am."

"Honey, you fuck guys. I'm pretty sure that's the definition of not being straight," Danneel says, and Jensen regrets ever having confided in her about sometimes hooking up with guys. He'd been drunk, lonely, and fucking depressed at the time and Danneel had been there, listening. Afterward, it had become an unspoken rule that they didn't talk about it – mostly because the one time Danneel had tried, Jensen had shot her down quickly. Ever since, he's pretended he never told her any of it and Danneel has let him.

Apparently, the silence is being broken now though, because Danneel is suspecting some grand romance brewing between him and Jared.

"That means nothing. It's sex, nothing else. You know that," he says, tone harsher than he intended.

"Stop," Danneel replies softly. "Just for once, Jensen, please stop. We both know it's bullshit. You might be so deep in the closet you can barely see any light, but if you have the guts to walk into a gay bar and hook up with someone, have the guts to be honest with yourself about this."

"I am being honest," Jensen insists. "And it's none of your business anyway."

"I'm your best friend, Jensen," Danneel says sadly. "I've stood by for years, not saying anything, but don't you think it's time to stop this charade? To stop lying to yourself, and let yourself be happy?"

"Who says I'm not?"

"See, that's another thing you're in denial about. But you can't fool me, I know you too well for that."

Jensen pulls away from Danneel abruptly, shaking her hand off his arm. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," he snaps and turns around on his heels, stalking off towards the main house. He ignores Danneel when she calls out his name and keeps walking.

Any peace he'd felt while standing in the sun and watching Blaze is gone suddenly.

+

Three days after Jensen's argument with Danneel, he walks into the kitchen in the morning and Jared is pouring cereal in a bowl wearing nothing but a thin, low-rising pair of cotton sweatpants.

"Morning," he says cheerfully, giving Jensen a small, dorky wave. His hair is messy and there's a pillow crease on his cheek, and it shouldn't be hot but Jensen suddenly has trouble forming any thoughts. He knew Jared was in good shape, there was no denying that, but seeing him without a shirt drives it home just how built, how entirely too beautiful.

"Jensen?" Jared asks, and Jensen realizes he's staring.

"Uh. I forgot something. Upstairs," he says, words coming out just a tiniest bit too fast. "Be right back."

"Okay," he hears Jared say, but his back is already turned to him. He walks casually at first, tries not to look like he's fleeing and only picks up some speed when he's out of Jared's eyesight.

Back in his bedroom, Jensen firmly closes the door behind him and drops down on his back. With a groan, he covers his eyes with his forearm and wills his stomach to calm down.

Despite how vehemently Jensen had refuted Danneel a few days earlier, he's not stupid. He's aware of how attractive Jared is, has been since the day he showed up on the ranch. Jared is beautiful in all the ways Jensen never thought he liked. When Jensen seeks out guys to spend the night with, he goes for guys smaller than him, both in height and broadness. He likes being in control, likes being on top and calling the shots. The idea of being with a guy built like Jared is something he never even really considered and just thinking about it now scares the hell out of him. But Jensen can't deny the tickle of attraction he feels, the desire slowly burning in the pit of his stomach.

He meant it when he told Danneel he's not gay. So what if he doesn't want to be with a girl – he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a guy either. It's about sex, and maybe that makes him not quite straight, but Jensen doesn't like to think about that. Doesn't like to put a label on who he is, on what he likes.

So what if he likes to fuck guys? It's never been more than that. Jensen has never been with a guy for anything other than one-night stands that are over as quickly as it takes to relieve his itch. Jared's sudden presence on the ranch doesn't change that.

Maybe Jensen thinks Jared is attractive, but that doesn't mean anything. He doesn't actually want to fuck Jared, no matter how goddamn hard the idea of having Jared in his bed makes him. But Jared isn't some nameless guy he met at a bar. He's his employee, his friend, and Jensen feels a flare of guilt every time he looks at him for a little too long, a little too hard.

Still, he'd dare anyone, regardless of gender of sexuality, not to find Jared appealing. He's gorgeous, and standing in Jensen's kitchen, all sleepy and half-dressed, is a sight that nobody would be able to resist.

Groaning, Jensen lets the hand on his stomach travel a little lower, brush against the button of his jeans. He pictures Jared, broad shoulders and cut abs, a trail of dark hair leading down his stomach, and moans softly.

Popping the button open, he slides his hand down his briefs and grips his cock. He's already hard and wet at the tip, and Jensen bites down on his lower lip to keep any sounds in as he starts stroking himself.

+

Jensen is pretty sure the world is conspiring against him. Or at least the Harris family, and their tendency to be both nosy and meddling. Things between him and Danneel are still tense, even days later, and the last thing he needs is the rest of the Harris family weighing in on his love life, or lack thereof.

He's in town, buying groceries and running some errands, when Danneel's mother decides to put in her two cents.

Mrs. Harris has run the little mom-and-pop store all of Jensen's life and she always slipped him candy when he came in with one of his parents. He suspects that, for a while, she had even hoped Danneel and he would end up together. Danneel used to tell him how she'd always rave about Jensen.

"You're my mom's ideal son-in-law," she'd tease. "Polite and nice, and you've always been so dedicated to your education and the ranch. Perfect husband material."

Of course, Mrs. Harris's dreams went up in flames in the form of Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who might be just as polite and nice, but also owns a bar and sports more than a couple of tattoos.

"So, how are things on the ranch?" she asks now. She hands Jensen a bright red lollipop as if he's still six years old, while taking cash from Jensen. Jensen accepts the candy with a smile.

"Things are good. How are you doing?" he asks. "Danneel told me Mr. Harris had a pretty bad case of flu."

"He did, but he's doing a lot better already, dear."

"That's good to hear. Tell him I said hello."

"I will," Mrs. Harris says, smiling widely at Jensen. "So, the new ranch hand is working out well? The tall guy."

"Jared. Yeah, Jared is great," Jensen replies. "Thanks for sending him our way."

"My pleasure. You work too hard, Jensen, just like your parents did. You need to step back a little, enjoy life more," Mrs. Harris says, fiddling with the bills Jensen handed her. "You haven't dated in...oh, I don't even remember the last time you dated."

_Never_ , Jensen thinks, but stays quiet and smiles.

"You should go out more, meet a nice girl," Mrs. Harris advises, words Jensen has heard a million times before.

"I don't have the time for a serious relationship right now," Jensen says.

"Oh, nonsense. You just need to make the time, Jensen," she replies warmly. "You know my sister's daughter, Kathy, right? She's coming to visit us for a few days soon – she and her boyfriend just broke up and she wants to get away for a bit."

Jensen hums under his breath, feigning polite interest.

Mrs. Harris gives him a hopeful smile. "You used to hang out when she visited, didn't you?"

"Sometimes," Jensen says. "We were just kids back then, though."

"Well, I'm sure she would like to see you again. She'll get bored, spending time with us old folks."

"We're pretty busy, but I'm sure I'll catch her in town. And Danneel will no doubt drop by, keep her company."

Mrs. Harris's expression falls a little, her smile a bit more strained, obviously having expected a more enthusiastic reaction from Jensen. "Yeah. She will," she says, and finally puts the money into the cash register and counts out Jensen's change.

+

"Your mother is trying to set me up with your cousin," Jensen says, pulling two bags out of the trunk of his car.

Danneel grabs the third one, and grimaces. "Kathy?"

"Yeah. Apparently it would be real nice if she could hang out with us here." He makes his way up the front porch, the wood squeaking a little under his weight, and shoulders the door open. "Now that Jared is here, your mother thinks I have more time and should be dating."

"You know how she is," Danneel replies. "You're like the son she never had, and since my choice in boyfriends disappoints her, she's latching on to you in hopes that you find a nice girl and have kids with her. If she happens to be related to her, even better."

Jensen snorts and puts the bags down on the kitchen island. "Great."

"I can talk to her," Danneel says, putting her bag down as well. "Tell her to leave you alone."

"I doubt she'd listen, unless you come up with a good reason."

"I can try to think of something," Danneel replies. "Hey, how about you can't get it up?"

Jensen shoots her a look. "Yeah, that's a great idea, Danneel. I'd love it if the whole town thought I can't get hard. That'd be swell."

"Oh fine, I'll think of something better," Danneel replies and gives him a tentative smile. "So. We good? Fight over?"

"Fight's over," Jensen agrees and holds out his arms with a sigh. "Come here."

Danneel laughs and leans into him, wrapping her arms around him. "I shouldn't have said some of the things I said."

"I shouldn't have overreacted," Jensen says into Danneel's hair, words a little muffled.

Danneel pulls back. "I just want you to be happy, is all."

"Yeah," Jensen replies, and he doesn't try telling her he is.

+

Despite their fight, or maybe because of it, Danneel starts to push Jensen and Jared together. She's subtle about it, Jensen will give her that, but he's known her all his life and he knows how her mind works. He just hopes Chris and Jared aren't aware of how Danneel manipulates them so Jared and Jensen end up spending more and more time together.

Jared accompanies him on errands in town (because Jared needs to leave the ranch more often, according to Danneel), rides out with Jensen to check on the cattle (because they both like riding and isn't it perfect to combine work and hobbies), and helps Jensen in the kitchen whenever it's his turn to cook (because Danneel claims that it's fair that they team up in the kitchen, now that there are four people to cook for).

Jensen thinks about complaining, but since he so steadfastly denied having feelings for Jared there's no good reason why he wouldn't want to work with him, and he and Jared do make a good team. Jared is fun to be around, filling up Jensen's silence with chatter, and they work well together.

Jensen figures it's easiest to just humor Danneel.

That's how, one day they end up riding along a track together that leads by the pond.

It stormed the night before, and Jensen wants to check up on a couple of pastures on the northern edge of the property that they're not using. Doug Johanson, one of the neighboring ranchers, is looking for another pasture or two for his cattle for the summer. The Ackles' ranch has a lot of land, his father having refused to sell anything off when money had been tight, unlike some of the surrounding ranches, which had gotten smaller and smaller over the years. They still have a lot of land, as a result, and it's more space than they need themselves. Leasing it out is a good way to bring in money. 

Danneel had volunteered Jared's help when Jensen told them he'd be riding out to check on the fences and make sure none of the trees had come down in the storm.

"Is this the place Chris mentioned?" Jared asks when the pond comes into view, tipping his hat back as he looks at the water. "The one where you and he used to meet up?"

Jensen nods, slowing Shadow down to match Jared. "Yeah, that's the one."

"It's bigger than I thought," Jared says. "I don't know – I guess I thought I'd seen most of the property by now and since I never came across the pond, I assumed it'd be this tiny thing. Just a puddle or something."

Jensen laughs softly. "Yeah, no. It's definitely not a puddle."

Jared turns to grin at him. "Can you swim in it? Cause, man, it's hot as balls right now and you've had nature's equivalent of a swimming pool right here all this time. I would have spent all my free time here if I'd known."

"Sure you can swim in it," Jensen replies and then shrugs. "It's just pretty far from the main house, so I kind of forget it's even there sometimes. It's been ages since I took a swim in it, to be honest."

"Seriously?" Jared asks. "We need to rectify that. Right now."

"We have work to do," Jensen reminds him.

Jared gives him pouts, lower lip sticking out exaggeratedly.

"We need to check up on the fence," Jensen continues, and Jared sighs.

"Okay, fine," he says. "How about we make a deal. We go check on the cattle and then we come back here. I'm going to die in the heat otherwise, Jensen."

Jensen tries to think of a good reason to protest, but Jared has a point about the heat. The last few days have been pretty hot and the storm the night before had only cooled things down for a few hours. Now, with the early afternoon sun beating down on them, Jensen has already sweated through his shirt and a dip in the pond actually sounds like a good idea.

"We don't have towels," he tries, and Jared snorts.

"Really? What are you, a city boy who's too prissy to get a little wet?"

Jensen scowls at Jared, but Jared only gives him a sweet smile in return and Jensen caves. "Fine. You win. But only if there aren't any fences that need to be fixed sooner rather than later."

Jared seems happy with that, and he spurs Snowfire on to go a little faster again, suddenly eager to get to their destination.

The pastures check out, the fences still in good shape and only a few branches have come down from the trees. Jared and Jensen clear off the area. It's still early afternoon by the time they get it done, and Jensen is even sweatier now and grimy from work.

A quick swim in the pond actually sounds amazing right about then, so he doesn't put up a fight when Jared gleefully comments on how early it is.

"We'll be back on the ranch long before dinner," he notes, and Jensen has to agree. They got done quicker than he anticipated and Danneel and Chris are not expecting them back until later.

They ride back to the pond. Jensen barely has time to secure the horses to a tree before Jared is already starting to strip out of his clothes.

And to Jensen's surprise, and horror, he doesn't stop at his boxers, but shucks those off with a grin. Jensen tries not to stare, but he can't help taking a quick look. He thought Jared looked good in a pair of sweatpants, but that had nothing on Jared completely nude. He's perfect all around, cock big and heavy, and Jensen really doesn't need to think about that right there.

"What are you waiting for, slowpoke?" Jared challenges, and Jensen feels his face flush hotly.

"So we're skinny dipping now?" he retorts, as casual as he can manage and tries very hard not to let his gaze travel down Jared's body again.

Jared laughs. "What? You afraid to strip down in front of a guy? You got nothing I haven't seen before, Jensen," he teases. "Don't be such a prude."

Jensen huffs. "I'm not," he mutters, and Jared smiles cheerfully.

"Good. Then hurry up." He turns around without waiting for Jensen to reply and jogs to the end of the pond, rushing straight in without hesitation. Jensen, now that Jared isn't turned towards him, lets his eyes sweep down Jared's backside. His broad shoulders taper down to a small waist, and small, perky butt, and Jensen knows he's going to be thinking about the view later tonight, when he's alone in his bed.

He sighs, resigned, and starts taking off his clothes before following Jared into the water. The air is pleasantly warm on his skin, but the pond is cold and Jensen makes a displeased noise as he wades in.

Jared, who is a few feet into the water already, turns around and chuckles. "Stop being such a wuss," he calls, and Jensen rolls his eyes, even though he has to suppress the urge to shield himself.

Jared is watching him without a trace of shame or hesitance, like there is nothing weird about two grown-up men skinny dipping together, and Jensen wishes he could be like that too. He feels like he's doing something wrong even though he can't see any part of Jared's body right then, and yet part of him wishes he actually got to watch Jared, take it all in.

He makes his way deeper into the pond quickly, until he's only a couple of feet away from Jared.

He ducks down, getting his hair wet, and has to admit that it feels nice. Jared grins at him knowingly, but he doesn't say anything – instead he sinks down in the water, submerging himself completely, and then coming back up with a splutter.

"This feels awesome," he says and pushes his hair back. Jensen is close enough that he can see the droplets clinging to his eyelashes, the water trailing down his neck from his hair, and it reminds Jensen that they're both naked, close enough that if Jensen reached out he could touch Jared.

"So, what now?" Jensen asks, splashing some water at Jared to distract himself. Jared splashes him back, and Jensen tries to shield himself out of reflex.

"Race ya to the other side of the pond," Jared says, sending another wave of water at Jensen before pushing away.

"Hey, you're cheating!" Jensen protests, but Jared is already a few feet ahead, so he pushes off and follows. Jared is a good swimmer, long limbs probably helping, but Jensen has always been fast and he catches up quickly.

There's no shore on the other side, the water deep enough that they can swim until they reach the edge of the pond, though the water is barely waist-deep there. Jensen swats Jared. "That wasn't very sportsman-y of you."

"I never said I didn't fight dirty," Jared replies, carding his fingers through his hair. "You're really fast."

"I know. I totally would have kicked your ass if you hadn't had a headstart."

Jared raises an eyebrow. "Care to prove it?"

"Sure," Jensen agrees, and reaches out to grab Jared's arm without thinking to make sure he doesn't get away this time. "On three?"

Jared nods, and Jensen counts down before letting go of Jared. They both push off, and Jensen tries to block out the noises coming from Jared, focusing only on the movements of his arms, of the water rushing by him.

He reaches the shore before Jared does, whooping loudly when he feels the firm, stony ground under his feet. He feels like a kid again, happy and light-hearted in a way he hasn't in a long time.

Jared is grinning despite his loss, and then tackles Jensen, trying to push Jensen under water. Jensen yelps and attempts to push him away, laughing. He's having too much fun to give the fact that he and Jared are naked and wrestling much thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Danneel and Chris spend nights with Jeff and Genevieve regularly, instead of on the ranch. It's more practical for them, and Jensen has never minded being on his own. Jeff has the bar, and Genevieve's car is old and not up to making trips up the dirt roads to the ranch. Jensen also knows that they have a lot more privacy at their apartments than in the annex building of the ranch.

Some nights, Danneel talks Jensen into coming out with them all to the bar, but Jensen goes reluctantly. Danneel and Chris, unlike him, are still friends with a lot of people from high school, but for Jensen it feels weird to hang out with their old friends. Things are so different for him now than they were back in school, and he barely knows what to say to them these days. He grew up before most of them did, working on the ranch with his dad while everyone else was out partying and he lost touch after a while. He sees them in town, always makes sure to stop and chat, but Jensen's social life is pretty much non-existent.

He never really cared, but now that Jared has moved to the ranch, he realizes that he likes not being alone. Jared isn't much for going out, says he got getting drunk on the weekends out of his system at college, and he likes to stay in. So on those nights that Chris and Danneel are out, they often hang out in the living-room, having a beer and talking. They get along easily and, as much as Jensen loves Danneel and Chris, it's nice to hang out with someone who only knows the person he is now, and not everything he's been through.

The night after their swim in the pond, Chris and Danneel both head off to spend time with their partners. They're barely gone when Jared comes into the living-room with a bottle of whiskey and two tumblers.

"Up for a nightcap?"

"It's eight," Jensen replies, but flops down on the couch and takes the glasses from Jared. "Where'd you get this from?"

"Had it in my room," Jared says.

"You've been holding out on us, Padalecki?"

Jared winks at Jensen, and it makes something in Jensen's stomach turn. "I'm not holding out on you now, am I?" Jared asks, and Jensen can only nod. He lets Jared pour them the drinks, clinks his glass against Jared's, and quickly throws it back.

Jared drinks his a lot slower, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. The boots he's wearing were clean and shiny when he came to the ranch, but now they're covered in dust and a little scratched up. He looks like one of them now, Jensen notes, and it makes him look even more attractive than before.

He can't help thinking back to earlier, seeing Jared undressed and wet, skin glistening in the sun. He feels a little guilty, thinking that way about a guy who is, for all intents and purposes, his employee, no matter how relaxed things are at the ranch. Jensen shouldn't be be having thoughts about him – or any other guy.

"I had a good time today," Jared says into the silence between them, and nudges Jensen with his knee. "We should do that more often."

"The pond?" Jensen asks, even though his traitorous mind is thinking about them getting naked together.

"Yeah. It's an awesome place."

"I kinda forgot all about it," Jensen admits. "I used to spend so much time there. Not just with Chris, either. I rode out there all the time, just sitting by the water, being by myself for a while."

"Why'd you stop?" Jared asks, and Jensen shrugs.

"Other things became more important," he says. "When my mom got sick, things got kinda rough around here – we had to take care of her and the ranch. I helped out pretty much whenever I wasn't in school."

"She had cancer, right?" Jared asks softly. Jensen knows he must have heard about it somewhere, because he hasn't really talked about his parents with Jared. It's a topic Jensen usually avoids bringing up; rehashing the past doesn't change things, and it's easier to not think about it.

He nods. "Yeah. By the time the doctor's found the tumor, it was too late. It all happened pretty sudden."

"Must have been tough."

"It was. For my dad, especially – they were always a team, you know, and losing her killed him," Jensen explains, and he's not sure why he's telling Jared any of this, except it's something he wants to say, _has_ to say. He has to get it off his chest, after all these years. "When my mom died, he threw himself into work. He never really talked about her, but I know how much he missed her, and I think the ranch became his distraction. I didn't want to leave him alone, and I thought maybe he was right – that working as hard as we could, focusing on the ranch, would make things better."

"Did it?"

"Not really. For a while I thought it did, that we were doing alright and things were starting to look up. And then my dad had a heart attack and died too. It messed me up pretty good, you know? But I kept going, cause I know they would have wanted me to. It's just... it's just me and I don't really have the time for anything else."

"It's not just you," Jared says and rests a hand on Jensen's shoulder, squeezing it. "You have Danneel and Chris, and now me. We're not going anywhere."

Jensen offers him a smile. "I know," he says, and then huffs. "God, can we please talk about something less depressing?"

Jared gives him a small smile. "Sure," he agrees easily. "I know just the thing."

"Yeah?"

Jared nods and puts his tumbler down on the table, getting up. "I'll be right back," he says, and Jensen watches him leave curiously. He pours himself another drink, and waits.

Jared returns after a couple of minutes with a laptop, sitting down closely next to Jensen and tips the screen back so Jensen can see it better. There's a picture of a dog, sitting on a patch of grass. It looks young still, less than a year, if Jensen had to guess.

"That's Argos," Jared says. "Our new dog."

"Huh," Jensen says, and Jared just grins, scrolls down a little to a picture of a different dog. It looks to be the same breed, though the fur is a little darker.

"And Toto," Jared adds. "They're eight month old Shepherd mixes, and they've been living on a ranch so they're perfect for us."

"Toto and Argos," Jensen repeats.

"Well, right now they're Molly and Bud," Jared concedes. "But I thought we could give them new names. 'Cause, well, Argos was Odysseus's dog and Toto is the dog from _Wizard of Oz_ , so it'd be like the names for the horses."

Jensen feels a lump in his throat, touched that Jared would think about that. Would bother to keep up his mother's little tradition for Jensen. He's not sure how to tell Jared just how much he appreciates the gesture. He clears his throat. "They're perfect," he says, and Jared beams at him.

"Good. I talked to the owners and we can go get them next week, if we want to. The ranch is only a couple of hours away," he says, and Jensen smiles. "I know we were only talking about one dog, but they're siblings and I'd feel horrible about separating them."

"Well, what's one more, right?" Jensen asks, and Jared looks so happy about the dogs that Jensen suddenly finds himself looking forward to them as well.

+

They get Toto and Argos the following Friday, and the rest of the day is pretty much shot to hell, as far as getting work done.

Jensen has to admit that the dogs are pretty adorable, and he has to laugh, watching them rush around excitedly with Jared not far behind. They're pretty well behaved too, following orders and staying close.

"I'm totally their alpha," Jared boasts when they follow him from the stables to the main house for dinner, tails wagging happily.

"It's cause they think you're one of them," Chris quips with a grin, opening a beer with a pop.

Jared points to him. "That's a face of jealousy, if I've ever seen one."

"You figured me out. All I ever wanted was to be the leader of a pack of puppies."

"Too bad Genevieve has you on a tight leash, instead," Danneel butts in, dancing out of the way when Chris tries to hit her. She sits down at the table with a grin, raising an eyebrow at Chris. "Now, what's for dinner, wife?"

Jensen chuckles, getting a beer for himself and one for Jared from the fridge. "I'm working with a bunch of kids," he laments.

"He meant to say awesome people, right?" Jared asks, looking at Chris and Danneel for support, and both of them nod. 

"I think he did," Danneel agrees.

"No, I didn't."

"He did," Chris says with a smirk, and Jensen sighs, trying to hide his smile from them. He sits down at the table, and Toto runs up to him, putting her head on Jensen's thigh. Jensen scratches her behind the ears and grins.

"Who's alpha now, Jared?" he mocks, and Jared rolls his eyes.

"She's pitying you, is all," he replies. "Now, someone said something about dinner. I'm freaking _starving_."

+

"I have to admit, getting dogs was a pretty awesome idea," Chris says, bending down to pat Argos before sitting down on the porch swing next to Jensen, leaning back with a sigh. "I rode out to the pasture today, and they followed me the whole way. Shared lunch with them and all." 

"Don't tell Jared you gave them people food," Jensen advises with a grin. "I got a twenty minute lecture when I gave them scraps from the table after breakfast."

Chris laughs. "Noted."

Argos lets out a loud yip, and jumps up between them, settling half on top of Jensen's lap. Jensen smooths his hand over the dog's head and smiles. "I used to beg my parents for a dog when I was a kid," he says softly.

"Huh. Didn't know that."

"Well, they shot the idea down pretty quickly and I dropped it after a while. My mom didn't like dogs, 'cause she was bitten by one when she was younger, I think." Jensen smiles to himself. "They got me a stuffed dog to make up for it."

"Sparkles!" Chris exclaims, laughing. "You dragged that thing around for years."

Jensen chuckles. "I did. I found him when I was cleaning out the attic a few years ago; wasn't the prettiest dog in the world."

"Well, it was blue for one."

"Yeah," Jensen says, grinning. "And his eyes were totally askew. But I loved him, man."

"You really did. Threw a fit once when you lost it, remember?"

"You _hid_ it, is what I remember."

Chris smirks at him. "Details," he says, waving his hand. Jensen rolls his eyes, but doesn't bother fighting Chris on it. It was one of the few fights the two of them ever really had, when a six year old Chris admitted that he'd hid the stuffed animal in the stable when Jensen started crying his eyes out over it. He refused to talk to Chris for a few days, and Chris finally made it up by giving Jensen his favorite toy car.

"Good times," he mumbles, and Chris hums under his breath.

"He's gay, you know?"

"Sparkles?" Jensen asks, confused, and Chris snorts.

"Jared."

"Non-sequitur," Jensen says, then clears his throat. Part of him wants to change the subject but he's too curious to let it go. "How'd you know?"

Chris shrugs. "Well, him sharing tales about his ex-boyfriend while we were mucking out the stables a few days ago was a pretty big clue."

"Huh," Jensen says. "So, is that gonna be a problem?"

"Not for me," Chris says, sounding almost amused, like it's something Jensen should know. "And not for anyone else on the ranch. Just thought you might like to know."

"I don't care about who he sleeps with. It's none of my business what he does in his free time."

"That's not what I meant," Chris starts, and then pauses. "Just thought, you know, we have some nice restaurants in the area that Jared might like. You should take him to one, maybe."

"Nice restaurants?" Jensen repeats, and snorts. "We live in the middle of nowhere. A diner isn't a nice restaurant, Chris. And seriously? Why the hell are you implying I should take Jared out?"

"Danneel and I just thought--"

"Danneel and you?" Jensen interrupts, feeling anger flaring up. Danneel promised him never to tell anyone about it – especially not Chris. The idea that she has been talking about him, sharing his secrets, makes Jensen's head spin.

"I have no interest in Jared or any other guy, for that matter. And Danneel has no business telling you any of that crap," he snaps.

"She didn't have to tell me a thing," Chris says, his tone softer now. Like he's speaking to a spooked horse, Jensen thinks, and clenches his hands into fists. "You think I don't know? Christ, Ackles, I probably figured out that you were into guys before you did."

"I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing to figure out."

"My cousin; Jordan. You had the biggest crush on him when we were fifteen and he stayed with my folks for the summer."

"I thought he was cool," Jensen replies. "What? That makes me gay now?"

"You talked about him all the time, following him around like a lost puppy, but whenever he talked to you, you got all flustered and quiet," Chris points out, and Jensen wants to deny that. Jordan had been a few years older, and Jensen had admired him, but that had been it. He hadn't even realized he wanted guys, in any way, until a few years later.

"It wasn't a crush," he refuses.

"Look, Jensen. Call it what you want; I really don't care. Point is, you're not as good an actor as you think, but it doesn't matter to anyone here who you sleep with. And the only person you're lying to is yourself."

"Danneel and you really need to get off this 'Jensen is in denial and not happy' trip."

"You're not happy, though," Chris replies. "You haven't been in a long time – long before all the shit with your parents happened. And it really sucks, seeing my best friend like that. I know you're not gonna change overnight and be out and proud; that's not my point. It's not even that I think your sexuality is what's making you unhappy. My point is that Jared is a great guy, and I think you care about him and he'd be good for you."

Jensen shakes his head. "He's a just good friend."

Chris gives him a sad smile, getting up from the swing and patting Jensen's shoulder. "He is. But he could be a hell of a lot more, if you let him."

+

That night, in the darkness of his bedroom, Jensen can't get Chris's words out of his head.

Part of him feels ambushed by Chris and Danneel, feels like they're teaming up on him, yet he can't completely dismiss what they're trying to tell him either. They're his best friends, and they've always been there for him, going far and beyond what he expected from any of his friends. He knows they mean well, and it's that, more than anything, that makes him think maybe they're more right than he wants to admit.

It's not like it's never crossed his mind, the fact that he might be gay. Back after the first time he had sex, he used to spend hours trying to figure out what he wanted, who he was. But then he tried saying it in front of the mirror; _I'm gay_ , he couldn't do it. It made him sick to the stomach, scared and confused.

He can deal with a quick fuck now and then, but anything more than that is more than Jensen thinks he could handle. Not being with anyone has always been an easier option than dealing with his feelings, his doubts and worries about his sexuality. He's made his peace with being single, but now Danneel and Chris seem adamant to change that. Adamant to make Jensen _think_ about this whole thing.

And knowing them, they're not going to back down easily. Jensen isn't sure if that's a good or bad thing, though.

+

Jensen holes himself up in his office the next day, hiding under the pretense of doing office work and ordering supplies. The fact that the paperwork actually has been piling up helps. He distracts himself with making calls, writing emails, sorting bills and paperwork, but every now and then his thoughts stray to Danneel and Chris and, more often than not, Jared.

Danneel interrupts him after a few hours of work, knocking on the door and peeking inside.

"Got a minute for me?" she asks.

Jensen pushes back from his desk a little, chair squeaking, and stretches until his spine cracks satisfyingly. "Yeah, sure," he says, even though he doesn't really feel like talking to anyone. But from the look on Danneel's face, she's not just stopping by to shoot the shit, so Jensen decides to suck it up.

Danneel sits down on the empty chair across the desk, face streaked with dirt and hair in a messy pony tail. "I heard Chris and you had it out yesterday."

"Can we not talk about this?" Jensen asks, but there's no heat in his words. Danneel is stalling, he can tell, and he knows she's not there to talk about him and Jared. She looks serious, a bit tired, and the smile she gives him is too weak to be genuine.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing is wrong," Danneel reassures him. "It's just...I need someone to talk to. About Jeff."

"Are you two okay?" Jensen sits forward a little, peering at Danneel. Despite the fatigue, she looks okay, and it settles Jensen's mind a little. He's seen Danneel upset a billion times, and this is not it.

"We're fine. But he and I had a talk a few days ago, and I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and I'm not getting anywhere." Danneel pauses, her lips lifting in a small smile. "He asked me to move in with him."

"Danni," Jensen starts. "That's great. Right?"

"It is," Danneel agrees. "I mean, it's been four years and we still rarely see each other more than once or twice a week. Sometimes it feels like a long distance relationship even though he's right there, you know?"

"I know. You spend so much time working – both you and Chris – and I feel bad for it sometimes. You two should get to spend more time with Jeff and Genevieve."

"Well, if we lived together, Jeff and I would. But it's a big decision, a big step, I don't want to rush into things."

Jensen gives her a smile. "As you just pointed out, it's been four years. That's hardly rushing."

Danneel groans. "I know. And I should just say yes and give this a shot," she says. "But the ranch – it's my home. It's not like Jeff and I could share my room, so I'd have to move into town and I'd hate to leave this place. And what about my job? I'd have to get up even earlier to be here on time."

"We can work something out. It's not like I didn't know Chris and you wouldn't be living on the ranch with me forever," Jensen says. "And you love Jeff."

"I do," Danneel says softly. She looks down at her hands, picking at dried dirt with her fingernails. "You think I'm ready? I don't have a good track record with relationships."

"We live in a place with a pretty limited dating pool, and you dated a lot of jerks," Jensen teases. "Jeff is different. You two are so right for each other, Danni – and if that changes, you'll always have a place to come back to."

"Thanks," Danneel says, smiling. "I don't want to let you down, you know? The ranch is so important to me, to all of us. I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life."

"You're not letting me down by moving things with Jeff forward. If you need to work a few less hours, or start later to make things easier for you and Jeff, that's fine. Chris, Jared, and I can pitch in more."

"Chris will love that."

Jensen grins. "Well, Chris will have to deal, since I'm the boss around here," he says. "Plus, I'm pretty sure in a year or so, Chris and I will be having the same conversation you and I are having right now. Genevieve isn't nearly as patient as Jeff – she's not gonna wait four years until Chris is ready to take the next step."

"It would make things harder around here, if Chris and I were around less," Danneel worries.

Jensen shrugs. "I'll manage," he says. "You and Chris have been going on and on about wanting me to be happy; don't you think that goes both ways? You have done so much for me and I'm so grateful, but at the end of the day it's my ranch and my responsibility. You guys have lives outside of this job and I don't want you to neglect other things for me."

"I know you don't. But the ranch means a lot to me too," Danneel replies. "We worked so hard to keep this place going. The thought of leaving is so weird."

Jensen grins at her. "Jesus, dramatic much, Harris? It's not like you're quitting."

"But it would change things. It's always been you and Chris and me, even since before your dad passed away," Danneel replies. "We're a team."

"We'll still be, but now it's you and Jeff as well," Jensen says. "And Chris and Gen."

"And Jared," Danneel adds. "I'm pretty sure this isn't just a temporary gig for him."

Jensen shrugs. "I didn't expect you and Chris to grow old with me on the ranch, and I'm not expecting Jared to do that either," he says, and then gives Danneel an indulgent smile. "But yeah, I think he's gonna stay around for a while."

"Yeah. He's a bit like a stray, huh? Wandered in one day and now he's not leaving," she teases, and Jensen laughs.

"I'll tell him you said that."

"Oh please," Danneel huffs. "He'll probably take it as a compliment."

"Probably," Jensen agrees.

They share a grin and then Danneel gets up. "Well, guess I should get to work. My boss doesn't like us slacking," she says.

"Sounds like an ass."

"Nah, he's the best," Danneel replies. She steps behind the desk and wraps her arms around Jensen's neck, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks for being there for me, Jensen."

Jensen gets up and hugs her close. "Always," he says, burying his face in her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of Danneel's flowery shampoo, hay, and horses. Danneel tucks her head under his chin and laughs softly.

"Guess I'm moving in with Jeff, huh?" she asks.

Jensen kisses her hair. "Guess so."

Danneel pulls back a little and looks up at him with a smile. "You know, when we were teenagers, for a while I thought it'd be me and you," she says.

"Well, for what it's worth, for a while I really wanted to want that," Jensen replies, and Danneel smiles.

"I know you don't think it'll happen to you, Jensen, and I know all the reasons why. But I'm sure you'll find someone to grow old with on this ranch," she says confidently. "And then we'll all hang out together and laugh about how stupid we were in our twenties, trying to figure shit out."

"We'll see about that," Jensen says, but he tries to picture it and the image is his head makes his chest ache in a not entirely unpleasant way. For the first time, there's a voice in his head that whispers ' _maybe_ ' instead of ' _no_ '.

+

Danneel is the last one to come in for dinner that night, but when she finally appears she is smiling widely. She kisses Jensen on the cheek before sitting down next to him.

"Talked to Jeff?" Jensen guesses, and Danneel nods, passing the basket with rolls on to him after taking one.

"Yup, we talked," she says happily. "We're going to look into buying a house in town instead of sharing Jeff's apartment. It's kinda small for two."

Across from him, Jensen sees Chris pause. He looks utterly surprised, his spoon with stew hanging in the air halfway to his mouth. Jensen ducks his head and smiles.

"You're moving out?" Jared asks.

"Yeah, Jeff and I are moving in together."

"What about the ranch?" Chris asks, voice gruff. Jensen kicks him under the table, giving him a stern look. Chris frowns, "What? I'm just asking."

"I'll still work here," Danneel replies. "I won't be the first person who has to drive to work, you know."

"This isn't a nine to five job. You going to drive up here before dawn to feed the animals?" Chris asks, and Jensen kicks him a little harder. "Ow, stop it, asshole."

"You stop it," Jensen replies. "Jared, you, and I can manage just fine in the morning. Danneel can come in a little later. Stop making this into an issue when it's not."

"I already cleared it with Jensen," Danneel adds. 

"How's that fair to the rest of us?" Chris grumbles, and Jared clears his throat.

"I don't mind working a bit more," he says, meeting Jensen's eyes across the table and giving him a small smile.

"Kiss-ass," Chris mumbles. "I'm just saying all of us always pulled the same weight around here. The three of us were always in this together."

"That's not changing," Danneel exclaims, and she's starting to sound upset now. Jensen hates seeing her like this. She was so happy just minutes earlier, and Chris is quite clearly ruining that for her with his questions.

"Chris, drop it," he says firmly, and Chris gives him a disbelieving look.

"Nice to know you're taking my concerns seriously," he replies, and pushes his chair back, getting up. "I'm not hungry anymore."

He leaves without another word, slamming the door of the main house behind him as he goes. Jensen sighs.

"Well, that was awkward," Jared says lightly, and Danneel snorts, but it's more sad than anything else.

"I told you he wouldn't like this," she says, angling her head towards Jensen.

"And I told you I'm the boss," he replies. "This isn't really about you moving out anyway."

"Really? Cause it sounded like it was to me," Danneel replies.

Jensen rolls his eyes. "It's Chris, Danni. He adores you – he's not going to be pissed about something that makes you happy, and he sure as hell isn't going to mind doing a little extra work," he says. "He's probably just panicking that you moving out is going to get Gen started on the whole moving in together thing too."

"And that would be bad?" Jared chimes in.

"Chris has never been good with commitment."

"He really hasn't," Danneel agrees. "Two months used to be the longest he ever dated anyone before he started making excuses about why it wasn't working."

"Exactly. Even with Gen, he's had a couple of moments where he was ready to call it quits," Jensen says. "She's real good at handling his bullshit, though. But I bet the idea of moving in with her has him wanting to run for the hills."

"You sure that's why he freaked out like that though?" Danneel asks.

"Yes," Jensen replies, and gives her a look. "Remember how he he picked a huge fight with Gen when she asked him to go to a friend's wedding?"

"I don't get what's bad about that," Jared says, confused. Danneel chuckles, shaking her head.

"He was terrified Genevieve would suddenly want them to get married too. Which was bullshit, of course, but it Chris's head it made sense. He was in the foulest mood _ever_ until they talked and made up," she says.

"And it's the same thing now. Just give him a few hours and he'll realize he was being an ass."

Danneel tugs a strand of hair behind her ear and finally picks up her spoon. "I hope so."

"Well," Jared starts, "I, for one, think it's great that you're moving in with Jeff."

"Yeah?"

"Of course! You talk about him all the time," Jared says. "And as much as I know you love this ranch, there's more to life than work. I think it's awesome that you found someone you can share your life with. It's what everyone wants, right?"

Danneel smiles at Jared, not as wide as before but it's genuine, and Jensen really wants to hug him for cheering Danneel up again.

+

Jared is the only one in the kitchen the next morning when Jensen stumbles in. He makes a beeline for the coffee machine, before sitting down at the table with him. Argos is lying by Jared's feet, dozing. He rarely leaves Jared's side, while Toto likes to run around the ranch all day long.

"Morning, sunshine," Jared chirps and Jensen shoots him a glare. Wordlessly, Jared pushes a plate with pancakes at him and smiles. "There. That'll cheer you up."

Jensen picks up a fork and cuts off a piece of pancake with it, sighing happily when he plops it into his mouth. "Seriously," he says, pausing to swallow. "If you ever decide to leave, you _have_ to give me the recipe for these first."

"Family secret," Jared says, which is what he says every time Jensen has tried to get him to share the recipe so far.

Jensen cocks his head to the side thoughtfully. "You have a sister, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Hmm. Well then, in case you leave, I'll just have to find her and marry her instead," Jensen jokes, and Jared grins.

"One, I'd kick your ass. Two, my sister is a horrible cook and doesn't know how to make these anyway."

"Guess I have to seduce your mom then," Jensen replies, and Jared gasps.

"Dude! Gross," he exclaims and Jensen secretly agrees. He doubts he'd be successful at seducing any woman, ever.

"What's the special occasion anyway? It's Danneel's turn to make breakfast, right?" Jensen asks, looking around the kitchen with a frown. Just like with dinner, they take turns, one of them fixing breakfast while the others feed the horses and cattle.

"She and Chris are talking," Jared says.

"Good or bad?"

"Good, I think. Chris came up to her and said he wanted to apologize and clear the air between them." Jared picks up his mug with coffee and shrugs. "I decided to make myself scarce after that, give them some privacy."

Jensen gives a relieved sigh. "I'm glad," he says. "Chris can be stubborn."

Jared chuckles. "Well, he was up pretty late, playing guitar. Guess he took the time to think about the whole thing."

"Yeah, it's what he does," Jensen says. "You know, if it ever keeps you up at night, you can tell him to can it. He won't care."

"Nah, I don't mind. I had the loudest roommate ever in college; I've learned to fall asleep no matter what's happening around me," Jared says with a smile. "Plus, Chris is pretty good."

"Hmm, you should go to one of the open mic nights at Jeff's bar then. He does that once or twice a month, and Chris usually goes and plays a small set with a friend," Jensen says. "I bet you'd like it. It's a small town, but most people who go up on that stage are actually quite good."

"Really? Or are you just saying that to get me to go out more?" Jared asks, raising an eyebrow. "Danneel has been telling me I need to get out and meet more people for weeks."

Jensen snickers. "She does that with me too," he says between two bites of pancake.

"Yeah? How do you get out of it?"

"I go every once in a while to shut her up," Jensen admits. "And then I spend the whole night complaining, and she leaves me alone for a few weeks."

Jared laughs. "I'll remember that."

"The bar is actually a really good place though," Jensen adds. "I just hate going out when I have to get up at dawn the next morning. Plus, everyone knows everything about me and whenever I go out it's just...it's not my idea of fun, is all."

"I bet," Jared says softly and gives him an understanding look. 

"I know they mean well," Jensen adds, and Jared shakes his head.

"You don't have to explain, Jensen. I'd hate that too, if I were you."

"Yeah," Jensen says and clears his throat, ready to change the subject. "So, we better get out there and start helping, huh?"

"Before Chris gets pissy about us not doing enough work?" Jared guesses and grins. "Yeah, we better."

Jensen gets up, picking up his mug and plate and carrying it to the sink.

"Hey," Jared says, following him with his own dirty dishes. "You're going into town today, right?"

Jensen rinses his mug out and gives Jared a small nod. "Yeah. I need to make some deliveries to the store, and I have to drop by my lawyer's, sign a couple of papers."

"Mind if I tag along?" Jared asks. "I have some errands to run, and I could save the gas if you're going anyway."

"Sure," Jensen says. "I was going to leave at ten. That work for you?"

"Perfect," Jared agrees and clasps his shoulder. "Thanks, Jensen."

His hand is warm and heavy on Jensen's shoulder, and for a moment, Jared lets his touch linger. It's a second or two too long, Jensen thinks, but then Jared pulls away, smiling easily, and Jensen tells himself he was probably imaging things.

+

In town, Jensen and Jared split up after delivering a few crates of vegetables, eggs and milk to Mrs. Harris' store, and agree to meet back up at the car an hour later. Jensen goes to see the one local lawyer to sign a contract with Doug Johanson for the pasture. He's known Doug all his life and trusts him to pay him, but Doug insisted they draw one up anyway.

"I'm not young anymore," he said to Jensen. "And if something happens and my idiot nephew takes over, I want you to get your money still. Believe me, he's going to try and bargain to get the pasture for half the price."

Jensen finally agreed, though the main reason for his reluctance had been that he really doesn't want to go see his lawyer. Linda was his mother's best friend for years, and she never lets Jensen go without a lengthy conversation, dragging up memories Jensen would rather not think of.

She told him once that it was because he looked so much like his mother, and it made her remember her friend and all the things they'd experienced together. Jensen knows all of her stories by heart – from the time his mother and Linda drove four hours to see some band play while his dad had stayed behind with an overactive toddler, Jensen, to the annual barbecue the two women organized for the whole town – and he knows he has his mothers eyes and that they crinkle up just the way hers did when he laughs. Being reminded of it only makes Jensen's heart ache a little with how much he misses his mother, still.

By the time Jensen finally leaves Linda's office, the sun is high outside and he pushes his hat down a little lower. Jared is waiting for him already, leaning back against the side of the car, legs crossed at the ankles.

"Sorry, took a little longer than I thought it would."

Jared pushes off the car. "No problem," he says, and shifts, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. There's something vaguely uneasy about his stance, and Jensen lifts an eyebrow.

"Something the matter?"

"Well, I might have done something a little stupid," Jared admits.

"Like what?"

"I was done early, so I thought I'd get something to eat in the diner. There was this guy – rancher from around here, you probably know him. Dom Miller?"

Jensen makes a noise of agreement. "Yeah, I know him," he says, not bothering to remind Jared that there isn't a person in town or from the ranches in the area he doesn't know. "What about him?"

"He was talking about a horse with some other guy. Frank something or other. So, anyway, he bought this horse recently and she's apparently pretty wild, won't let him ride her or anything," Jared starts, "He told the other guy he was thinking about bringing her to the butcher. Not even selling her, but the fucking butcher, like she doesn't even deserve a change, you know? And I couldn't let that happen."

"Jared."

"I told him I'd buy her off him," Jared admits, looking sheepish. "She's young, probably just needs training. Jensen, please?"

"Please what? You need money?"

"No, it's not about that. I have enough saved up to buy her," Jared says, shaking his head. "I just need you to let her stay on the ranch. I'll pay for her food and I can pay you for her stall too. You can take it out of my paycheck."

"You'll barely have anything left for yourself, then," Jensen reasons, but Jared just gives him a pleading look.

"I don't need much," he says. "I couldn't let her get killed because this guy doesn't know how to handle a horse. I can train her. You know I can."

"I know; Dom took the ranch over from his dad and in all honesty, he knows shit about animals. He was never really interested in any of it," Jensen admits. "And I'm not saying you can't keep her on the ranch. Just – you've got to train her in your free time."

"Of course," Jared agrees, nodding. "You really don't mind?"

Jensen shrugs. "We have a few empty stalls. And you don't need to pay me any money for that. But she's your responsibility."

"Yes, sure. That's more than fair."

Jared smiles at him, looking so utterly relieved, Jensen wonders if he seriously worried Jensen wouldn't let him keep the horse on the ranch. He knows Jared well enough to know it's not going to distract him from his work, and they have enough free space. And if a tiny part of Jensen is glad, because the more involved and attached Jared is the less likely he is to leave some day, then nobody needs to know about that. He feels selfish enough just for thinking it.

+

Jared's horse is an Arabian mare so dark she is almost black, called Daisy. Jensen has no idea where Dom bought her from, but it's obvious that she had little to no training and isn't very comfortable around people. But from the moment Jensen sees Jared interact with her, he knows Jared is absolutely in love with her and the thought makes him smile. He has no doubt Jared will have Daisy eating out of his hand in no time, just like the dogs did after mere hours.

"We should probably come up with a better name. I'm not sure there's ever been a horse called Daisy in any famous book or movie," Jared says, swinging himself over the fence from the paddock. His shoes kick up a dust of dirt as he lands, and he turns to lean on the top of the fence.

"With a name like that? There're probably tons," Jensen replies dismissively.

"Yeah?" Jared angles his head toward him and smiles. "You're probably right. The story of Daisy the talking horse or some shit like that."

Jensen laughs. "Yeah, I think I heard about that once. I think she saved a little girl's life and they became best friends," he makes up. "She was so famous they named a flower after her."

"And a character on _Dukes of Hazard_ ," Jared adds.

"I heard a rumor that Walt Disney named Daisy Duck after her, too."

"And the city in Georgia, of course, was built in memory of her. The story of Daisy, the talking horse, touched millions of people."

Jensen grins and nods. "See, you're not breaking our tradition at all," he says and nudges Jared. "Your Daisy is named after the most famous fictional horse ever."

Jared ducks his head, lips still curved up, and a strand of hair falls into his face. Jensen's fingers twitch, wanting to reach out and brush it away, and he curls his hands tighter around the wooden bar of the fence.

They're silent for a moment, standing side by side. Jared is close enough that their arms are brushing against each other, Jared's skin warm and dry against his.

"I never thought I'd end up some place like this," Jared says suddenly, sounding thoughtful as he looks at the paddock.

Jensen pushes away from the fence a little, gaze following Jared's. Daisy is trotting along the other side of the paddock peacefully, nothing like the wild horse Dom claimed her to be.

"What do you mean?" Jensen asks, turning his head to look at Jared.

Jared shrugs. "I didn't really have a plan when I left college. I bummed around for a while, and then one day I decided I needed to get out, so I packed a few bags, left everything else to my roommate, and drove off. I didn't know where I was going or what I wanted, so I just drove," he says. "I had a lot of time to think, so I tried to figure out what I wanted to do with my life."

"And you ended up with ranching?"

Jared laughs softly. "Not really, no. I ended up realizing I'd eventually run out of money and would have to run back to my parents, so I better find a job. And since I couldn't figure out what I wanted just yet, I thought I'd start with what I'm good at and go from there."

"You're good with animals," Jensen offers, and Jared looks at him with a smile that's so brilliant Jensen's stomach flips.

"Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought, too," Jared agreed, nodding. "I love animals. My grandpa always used to say I was a natural when it came to handling horses and I spent so much time at the ranch, riding and taking care of the horses for him. Plus, I'm tall and pretty strong, so I knew I wouldn't have a problem with doing manual labor. The funny thing is, once I started thinking about the possibility of finding work on a ranch, I realized it's something I could actually see myself doing."

"You'd think with you having spent so much time at your grandparents' ranch, you would have realized that sooner."

Jared snorts. "Right? But I think my parents were always so adamant about me going to college, making something out of myself, that I always just thought that would be the path I'd take. I loved the ranch, but I never saw it as a possible career," he explains. "And then I got here and this place just felt so right. It sounds so cheesy, but the second I got out of my car I felt like I was home. Like this was the place I should be."

It _does_ sound cheesy, and had anyone else told Jensen the same thing, he would have teased them. With Jared he can't, because having him on the ranch had felt inexplicably right to Jensen from the very first day, too.

"You fit," he says softly, and Jared meets his eyes and nods.

"Yeah, I fit," he agrees and they both smile.

+

Jared spends all of his breaks and free time working with Daisy and despite the fact that he seems to be handling the additional workload without problems, Jensen sometimes wants to forcefully pull him away from the paddock and make him sit down for a while.

Over the course of the next few weeks he makes incredible progress with Daisy, though, and the first time she lets him ride her without any fuss, he's beaming so proudly he looks like he might burst.

"Did you see that?" he asks, jogging up to Jensen later. "I rode Daisy, and she didn't even bat an eye."

"I saw," Jensen says, and nods.

"A few more months, and you won't notice a difference between her and the other horses. Swear to you," Jared boasts. "She doesn't mind the saddle at all. I mean, she still has a few quirks, but it's only a matter of time and training."

"You're doing really well with her," Jensen agrees.

"We should celebrate tonight," Jared says. "I bet we have some steaks we can defrost, and I can run into town after I get all my chores done and buy beer. Or wine, wine is fancier. And maybe you and Chris can break out your guitars."

Jensen smiles. "I think Chris will punch you if you buy wine instead of beer."

"I'll buy both," Jared amends. "So, is that a yes to celebrating?"

Jensen shrugs. "Sure. I think Danneel mentioned having plans with Jeff though."

Jared waves him off. "I'll talk her into getting Jeff to come here instead. He can leave the pub to his bartender for the night, right?"

"You can ask her," Jensen suggests. "Tell her I'll make my grandma's potato salad, and she might just agree."

Jared grins and suddenly steps forward, wrapping his arms around Jensen. The hug takes Jensen by surprise, and he feels himself tense, but Jared is warm and smells like sweat and horses. It's a scent Jensen has known all his life, and he relaxes, clapping Jared on the shoulder a bit awkwardly.

"You're the best boss in world, Ackles," Jared says, sounding sincere, and Jensen, for a shameful second, brushes his nose against the exposed skin of Jared's throat and breathes him in. He steps out of Jared's arms when he feels his hold lessen, adjusting his hat, and hopes Jared can't tell he is blushing.

"Thanks," he says, not sure what else to say, and Jared smiles at him.

"So, hey. Do _you_ like wine?"

"Sure, I wouldn't say no to a nice glass of wine," Jensen replies and Jared nods.

"Good. I'll see what I can find," he says. "Now, I have to go find Danneel and then I have work to do. Can't let my boss see me slacking off."

"Sounds like a hard ass," Jensen teases. Jared smirks, eyes crinkling up.

"Hmm, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to talk about my boss's ass, sorry," he says, and this time Jensen is pretty sure there's no way Jared misses the way his face heats up.

+

Their celebration that night isn't much different from their regular dinners together, except that Jeff does drop by, bringing dessert too, and the alcohol is better. The little liquor store in town sells mostly beer and whiskey, and the selection of wine is pretty limited, but Jensen suspects Jared bought the most expensive one and it pays off. Even Chris agrees to having a little after taking a sip from Danneel's glass, which Danneel insists on so she can make a proper toast.

She holds up her glass, grinning, and everyone else lifts their glasses too.

"To Jared," Danneel says. "The future horse whisperer in our midst."

"Hear, hear," Jensen replies, and Jared laughs.

"I don't think training one horse qualifies me for that kind of praise just yet."

Jensen shrugs. "I've broken in a few horses that were born on the ranch, but never with that kind of ease; Jared. Plus, Daisy is older and a hell of a lot more stubborn than any of our horses ever were," he says. "You're great with her."

"I just go with what my granddad taught me, and what feels right," Jared admits.

"Well, whatever you're doing, you're doing it right," Chris chimes in, and Jared smiles.

"Thank you," he says softly, and then sits up a little straighter and waves his hand at Danneel and Jeff. "Hey, we should drink a toast to you guys too. We never did that."

"We haven't bought a house yet," Danneel replies, and Jeff nudges her.

" _Yet_ ," he echoes, stressing the word. "We do have our eyes on a place."

"Yeah? Which one?" Jensen asks.

"Dana is selling her house," Danneel says. "She's moving to be closer to her daughter and grandchildren."

"I didn't know that," Jensen admits.

"Dana is running the diner, right?" Jared asks, and Jensen nods. "Please tell me the diner isn't closing. They make the best burgers _ever_."

"Hey," Jensen protests, and Jared holds up his hands.

"Except for Jensen's," he adds and everyone laughs.

"Her niece is going to keep the place going," Danneel interjects. "So no worries, your burgers are safe. And to get back to the house, we don't know if we're going to get it. The price she's asking for is about as much as we can afford, but if anyone offers more, we're out."

"It's a beautiful house, though," Jeff adds. "Big backyard, airy rooms, and it's in pretty good shape. It's perfect for us."

"It is," Danneel agrees, and Jensen watches them share a look, both of them smiling. He ignores the way his chest aches, and puts on a smile instead, raising his glass.

"Well, to you two and what will hopefully be your new home soon, then," he offers.

+

"You're being quiet tonight."

Jensen drops the bag of potato chips he's been trying to open and turns around, finding Jared standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"What?" he asks.

"You're being quiet tonight," Jared repeats and gives him a small smile. He steps into the room, joining Jensen at the counter. "You okay?"

"I'm good," Jensen dismisses, and picks up the bag again, attempting to rip it open. "Kinda drunk. I'm not used to wine, I guess."

It's not exactly a lie. He's had a few glasses and he's definitely feeling them, head swimming pleasantly.

"Whiskey and beer usually make you more talkative," Jared says, and takes the bag out of his hands. He opens it easily and hands it back to Jensen.

"If you don't feel like hanging out, you can head to bed. You don't have to stay up; it's not like there's really something to celebrate anyway," Jared points out, and Jensen pops a few chips into his mouth.

"I'm not tired," he assures him while chewing, and offers Jared the bag. "And of course there's something to celebrate."

Jared takes a handful of chips, but doesn't eat them. Instead he peers down at Jensen and frowns. "Look, maybe I'm totally off about this, but you were fine earlier and you got kind of weird when Danneel and Jeff started talking about the house," he says, and Jensen crams a few more chips into his mouth so he doesn't have to reply.

"You said you were fine with Danni moving out," Jared continues. Jensen swallows before clearing his throat.

"I am."

"But?"

Jensen puts the bag down and sighs. "It's nothing, Jared," he says, and shrugs. "It's not about that, anyway. It's just...seeing them together, I guess. Makes me think about the fact that I don't have something like that."

"You could," Jared replies, and Jensen scoffs.

"No, I can't," he says, and grabs the bag again, ready to go back outside where the others are. Jared grabs his wrist, though, holding him back.

"Jensen. Whatever reason you have for thinking that, you're wrong," he says. He circles his thumb against the soft skin of Jensen's wrist, and he's close enough that Jensen feels the body heat emanating from him.

Jensen tilts his head back to look up at him. "Jared," he starts, but stops when he doesn't know what else to say.

"I promise you, you can have that," Jared repeats, and Jensen's breath catches when they lock eyes. There's a look on his face that Jensen has never seen, tender and fond and it's directed at Jensen.

Jensen breaks their gaze and pulls away, clearing his throat. "I should go back outside," he says, and leaves before Jared can stop him again.


	4. Chapter 4

Three days later, Jensen tells Chris he's going out for the night and asks him to stay on the ranch and keep an eye on things.

The drive to _Bliss_ feels longer than usual, and Jensen hasn't felt this nervous about going to the bar in years. He suspects its because he's driving there not just for a simple fuck, but to find someone to distract him from his feelings, to get Jared out of his system.

The other night, in the kitchen, Jared was about to kiss him. At least, Jensen is ninety percent sure that that's where things were heading, that Jared was trying to say that was what he could have. The thought is both thrilling and scary and Jensen hasn't been able to stop thinking about it. It's been driving him crazy for days, and he's spent more time than he's willing to admit pondering what would have happened if he'd stayed. What if Jared had kissed him? Would Jensen have had the guts to kiss him back? To invite Jared into his bedroom? And then what?

It wouldn't have changed things. Jared and he, that's not going to happen.

+

It's a weekday, but _Bliss_ is relatively packed anyway. Jensen realizes why when he spots a bright pink banner strung up above the stage in the corner of the bar, announcing in big letters _Amateur Strip Night_. There's already a guy on the tiny stage, who is currently stripping down to his underwear. Jensen has never tried to undress sexily, but he's sure he could do a better job than this guy with his hands tied behind his back.

He shoulders his way towards the bar, ignoring the cheering and whistling around him, and orders a beer from Joe.

He slides money over the bar when Joe hands him a bottle, and then he turns around and leans against the bar. Most of the guys in the room are watching the show, not paying attention to the other customers, and Jensen takes his time to look. There's a cute guy standing a few feet away from Jensen, but he's whistling and clapping; he's too interested in the stripper to care for Jensen.

Jensen smirks when the guy on stage stumbles a little, and shakes his head to himself before turning the other way, hoping to maybe find someone like himself who is not interested in the amateur stripping. It would be a nice opener.

He looks down the bar, noticing a couple of prospective guys, and then freezes when his eyes land on a tall figure sitting at the very end of the wooden counter.

Jared is looking right back at him, and Jensen's throat closes up. For a split second, he thinks about running, but then Jared raises his hand in an awkward wave, and Jensen knows there's no way he can get away with leaving or ignoring Jared's presence. He raises his hand in return, and feels his stomach drop when Jared gets up and walks over to him.

Jensen tries to take a deep, steady breath, telling himself not to freak out. Given the other night, he already knew Jared might know about him and given that Jared is gay, and at the bar, it's not like things could get ugly. They could, however, get horribly awkward.

Especially because Jared is looking incredible, in tight, washed-out jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt. Even the way he walks is sexy, all long legs and confidence. There is no way Jensen is going to notice anyone else tonight, and he'll probably ogle Jared for hours and then go home frustrated and not at all able to move on, to forget.

"Jensen," Jared says when he reaches him, and for a moment he rests his hand on Jensen's arm.

"Hey," Jensen replies and tries to smile. "What are you doing here?"

Jared shrugs. "Danneel mentioned this place a couple of weeks ago for, you know, meeting guys," he says. "And since I can sleep in tomorrow, she suggested I go out and have some fun and it sounded like a good idea."

"You can sleep in tomorrow?" Jensen repeats, furrowing his brow. He is pretty sure he and Jared are supposed to help milking the cows and feed the animals the next morning with Chris. Each of them gets one morning to sleep in during the week, and tomorrow is Danneel's.

Jared shrugs. "Yeah, Danneel asked me to take over some of her hours this week. House stuff, I think. She offered to do my chores tomorrow morning instead, let me sleep in."

"Right," Jensen says, and takes a long pull from his beer.

Danneel knew he'd be at _Bliss_ tonight, because he'd mentioned thinking about going earlier that day when they'd been rounding up cattle together. He should have known something was up when Danneel had been all for Jensen going out, saying something about him being tense and needing to relax. He should have considered that, if Danneel knew about his plans, she'd find a way to get Jared to come to the bar as well. And it looks like her plan is going to be a raging success.

Jensen is going to kill Danneel. Strangle her pretty neck, or maybe smother her with a pillow, or drown her in the fucking pond.

He is here to _forget_ about Jared, not to have him paraded in front of him in too tight jeans and an easy smile. He's supposed to find a hot guy, fuck him, and get all these stupid feelings and ideas out of his system so he can move on.

It's not going to happen now. With Jared there, _right there_ , the idea of hooking up with someone else is suddenly entirely unappealing.

"So, amateur strippers, huh?" Jared asks, a small grin on his face, and Jensen glances at the stage again. There's a new guy now, tall and slim, blond hair spilling out from under a black cowboy hat. Jensen guesses the way he is thrusting his hips is supposed to be sexy.

He cringes. "Yeah. If I'd know, I wouldn't have come here tonight."

Jared laughs. "Oh, this one? This one is actually _good_ ," he says. "I've been here for thirty minutes, and let me tell you, I've seen things I never wanted to see."

"Well, everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves," Jensen replies, nodding at the cheering crowd of guys in front of the stage.

"Eh," Jared shrugs. "To each their own, I guess, but it's definitely not my idea of hot."

Jensen takes another sip of his beer. "It's small town guys, man – most of them have probably never seen a professional male stripper. This is what you get out here," he says and pauses. "I guess if you're used to guys from the city, cowboys and hicks aren't all that appealing, though."

Jared leans in, and Jensen can feels his body heat despite the warm, stuffy air in the bar. "No, that's not it," he says, voice low. "I find cowboys plenty attractive. I just prefer undressing them myself, and without an audience."

Jensen swallows. "Jared."

Jared meets his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips, and Jensen's gaze lingers on his mouth. Jared is so close, Jensen could lean up and kiss him. It's just like the other day, in the kitchen, but this time Jensen doesn't move away.

He feels all mixed up. The urge to run is still there, but Jensen doesn't _want_ to. The plan to fuck Jared out of his system spectacularly backfired, and Jensen is tired of trying to deny himself this.

There are a billion reasons why he shouldn't do this, why this is going to mess up everything, but all Jensen can think is that he wants it. He wants to take Jared home, wants to find out what those lips feel like against his, wants to feel Jared's hands on him, Jared's body against his.

For once, he doesn't want to think about the consequences, or what it says about him, his sexuality, or what anyone else will think. 

He wants Jared.

Jared touches his jaw, fingers brushing against his skin, and smiles at him. "Let me buy you another drink," he says, and Jensen lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He nods. "Yeah. Yeah, okay," he agrees, and lets go of the bottle in his hand when Jared's fingers wrap around it.

+

They drive back to the ranch, instead of going to a motel like Jensen usually does. He doesn't even suggest it, wanting to go back home, to his bedroom, with someone for the first time ever.

All the usual rules, the usual reasons, don't apply to Jared.

The drive feels like it lasts forever. Jensen keeps checking his review mirror, but the lights of Jared's truck behind him never vanish, Jared always right behind him.

When they get to the ranch, there's a moment of awkwardness, Jared looking hesitant, before Jensen angles his head towards the main house. "My room?" he asks, and Jared steps into his space, running a hand down Jensen's side.

"Hell yeah," he says, a little breathless, and the thought that Jared wants this just as much as he does sends a shiver down Jensen's spine.

They don't kiss until the door to Jensen's bedroom shuts with a snick behind them, and then Jared presses him against the wall, and covers Jensen's lips with his. The kiss is wet and deep, just this side of needy, and when Jared rolls his hips against Jensen's, Jensen can feels he's already half hard.

"Fuck, Jared," he mutters, breaking the kiss. His fingers grip the hem of Jared's shirt, tugging it up with little finesse, and he makes a frustrated noise. He wants Jared naked, wants to see all of him.

Jared takes a step back, pulls the shirt over his head, and lets it drop to the floor carelessly. He's back a moment later, ducking down to kiss Jensen again, while his fingers unbutton Jensen's shirt.

Jensen has seen Jared shirtless enough times that the image is burned into his mind, but it can't compare to getting to touch him now. Jared's skin is hot and smooth, and he's all hard, firm muscles. Jensen slides his hands up Jared's arms, so big Jensen's hands feel oddly small, and down Jared's back, before running them up again, nails scratching against skin.

Jared makes a small, pleased sound into Jensen's mouth. His hands, resting on Jensen's naked waist, give him a soft squeeze and then travel lower, cup his hips, then his ass. Jensen twines his finger in Jared's long hair, tongues sliding together wetly, and lifts his legs without even giving it a conscious thought, wrapping them around Jared.

Jared holds him up easily, like it's nothing, and it triggers something dark and thrilling in Jensen. Jared carries him the few feet to the bed effortlessly, and follows him down onto the mattress, crawling between Jensen's legs.

He has a three or four inches on Jensen, and a few pounds of pure muscle, but his weight on top of him isn't smothering like Jensen thinks it should be. He feels calm, safe with Jared.

There's no talking about what they're going to do, how they're going to do it. Jared simply undresses them, Jensen of very little help, and then lies back down on top of Jensen. They kiss and touch until they're both soaked in sweat and rock hard.

Jensen never once tries to switch their positions. He doesn't really think about it, doesn't feel the need to take control.

"You got stuff?" Jared murmurs, pressing a kiss behind Jensen's ear, and Jensen nods.

"Drawer," he says, arm stretching toward the vague direction of the bedside table. Jared kisses him on the lips, warm and soft, and then pushes himself up and opens the drawer. He drops two condoms on the pillow next to Jensen and then flips the bottle of lube open.

Jensen doesn't make a move to take it from Jared. Instead, he watches in rapt fascination as Jared squeezes out a small amount of lube and slicks up three fingers with it.

He lifts his leg up and out, foot firmly on the mattress, when Jared reaches between his legs, giving him easier access.

Jensen has never done this before, never wanted to. He's touched himself a few times, but never more than a finger, and he's always felt too weird, too guilty to feel any pleasure. He's nervous now, a little worried that he's not going to like it, but he doesn't want Jared to stop. He wants this to happen, wants to find out what it feels like, and he wants it to happen with Jared.

The first touch of Jared's finger against his hole startles him, the lube cold and slippery.

Jared kisses his neck, the gesture small and reassuring, and murmurs, "You're so goddamn beautiful."

He doesn't push right in, just touches, applies pressure as his finger circles Jensen's entrance. It feels good once the lube warms up, more intimate than Jensen thought it would, and he splays his legs a little farther. He slides his hands into Jared's hair, a little damp with sweat now, and tugs until Jared angles his face up and kisses him.

He is so focused on Jared's mouth on his, Jared licking and kissing into his mouth, that when Jared finally presses the first finger inside of him it takes a second for it to register. Jensen tenses a little, the feeling foreign, and pulls away from Jared's lips to let out a startled breath.

"Sorry," Jared murmurs, and kisses the corner of his mouth, nuzzles his cheek. "Okay?"

Jensen nods, and when Jared moves his finger inside of him, he rocks down on it experimentally. It's not bad, doesn't hurt, and he feels a little foolish for his reaction.

Jared is gentle, slow, taking his time before adding a second finger. Jensen wonders if he suspects that Jensen doesn't usually bottom, or if he's like that with all the guys he sleeps with. The latter makes Jensen's stomach twist unpleasantly, and he pushes the thought out of his mind, focusing on the here and now instead, on Jared.

The third finger burns a little, but Jared distracts him with softly spoken words and burning kisses, and when his fingers find Jensen's prostate, all discomfort is forgotten.

Jensen's cock is smearing a trail of precome onto his belly, hard and wet, by the time Jared pulls his fingers out and kneels between his legs. He takes slow, steady breaths, trying to calm the nerves in his stomach, and watches Jared in the dim light as he rips open one of the foil wrappers and rolls the condom down his dick.

He lets himself really look for the first time. Fully hard, Jared is even bigger than Jensen remembers from the afternoon at the lake, and Jensen suddenly wishes he had taken the time to touch Jared, maybe suck him off.

Jared shoots him a grin, knowing and cocky, and grabs the lube. "You want to do it like this?" he asks, flipping the cap open, and Jensen licks his lips.

"I think hands and knees," he decides. It'll be easier like that, he knows – both physically and emotionally. The idea of lying on his back, of Jared watching him, makes him feel too vulnerable, too open.

He rolls around, pushes himself up on his knees and elbows, and shifts a little to be more comfortable.

"Fuck, Jensen," Jared murmurs, and then his hand is on Jensen's ass. He cups it first, thumb sliding over skin and then between Jensen's cheeks, pulling them apart. Jensen buries his face in the crook of his elbow and tries not to squirm.

He feels Jared lean over him, weight pushing him a little deeper into the mattress, and place a small kiss on Jensen's shoulder. He doesn't say anything, doesn't wait for Jensen to either, before Jensen feels the blunt head of Jared's dick against his hole.

Jared presses in, and Jensen tries to relax, to open up for Jared and let him inside. He's fucked enough guys to know all the tricks, but it's different to be on the receiving end, and he gasps when he feels Jared push inside past the resistance, his muscles giving way.

Jared grunts, hands firm on Jensen's hips, and Jensen bites his lower lip. Despite the prep, it hurts a little, but it's not all bad. Jared's dick is bigger than his fingers, stretching him and filling him as he slides in. He doesn't stop until he's fully in, and then he leans in and kisses Jensen's neck, his shoulder, nuzzles his skin. He doesn't ask if Jensen is okay, doesn't need to – he just stays still, thumbs stroking over Jensen's hips, giving Jensen time to adjust.

Jensen breathes in, relaxing as the pain ebbs away a little. He squeezes his muscles around Jared experimentally, and Jared moans, wet and broken, against his shoulder. Jensen laughs softly, but it sounds breathless in his own ears.

"Shit," Jared hisses. "Do that again and this will be over before I even start."

"Then move," Jensen replies, and pushes back a little. Jared nibs at his shoulder, but he pulls out, hands gripping Jensen more firmly once again, and drives back inside smoothly.

It still burns slightly, is a little weird, but with each thrust Jensen feels Jared slide in easier. It's good, the simple fact that Jared is inside him thrilling and intimate, and then Jared does something to make his cock press right against Jensen's prostrate and suddenly good doesn't even begin to cover it.

Jensen moans, loud and helpless, as hot white pleasure shoots through him, and curls his fingers into the pillow. Jared seems to have noticed, because he fucks him harder, faster, keeping an almost constant pressure against Jensen's prostate that makes Jensen see stars.

Jensen has never been particularly loud in bed, has always held back because motel walls are thin and he's never wanted anyone to hear what he did behind closed doors, but he doesn't try to bite back the moans and whimpers that escape his throat now. He feels wild, mindless, everything narrowed down to the feeling of Jared inside of him, the dizzying pleasure he is making him feel.

When Jared reaches around him, fingers curling around Jensen's dick, all it takes is a couple quick, hard strokes and Jensen comes with a gasp. For a few moments, everything fades away, just utter, complete pleasure. Jared's teeth sinking into his shoulder brings things back into focus, Jared's hands holding him up as he fucks into him, movement sloppy and erratic now.

Jensen feels boneless, fuzzy, Jared's dick pushing in almost too much now.

"Fuck," Jared mutters. "Fuck, Jensen. So good."

Jensen makes a noise in the back of his throat and when Jared presses messy, needy kisses to the side of his mouth, he angles his head back and sighs when Jared kisses him fully on the mouth. It only takes a few more thrusts and then Jared groans against his lips, arms around Jensen tightening, before his thrusts slow down, come to a halt.

They collapse onto the bed together, Jared too heavy and hot now, but Jensen doesn't try to wiggle out from under him.

+

Jensen wakes up just before dawn, the sky outside a grayish blue.

He feels bleary, worn out, and it's not until he stretches – the warm, firm body of Jared pressing against his– that he remembers last night.

For a few seconds, Jensen feels nothing. He had sex with Jared. _Jared_.

Jensen pushes the sheets off, feeling too hot suddenly, and rolls out of bed. Jared moves with him, snuffles, but Jensen ignores it. He stumbles a little as he takes the first step. He is sore, an unfamiliar, sharp twinge in his ass, and Jensen suddenly feels like he can't breathe.

He staggers into the bathroom, and stops in front of the mirror, not sure what to do next. Jensen curls his hands into fists. His hair is messy, lips still a little bruised, and there's a bite mark on his shoulder. He looks like he's been out all night; _well fucked_ , his mind supplies.

_He had sex with Jared._

"Jensen?"

Jensen jumps and twirls around. Jared is standing in the doorway, naked and unsure, and looking just as debauched as Jensen. Only on him, it looks gorgeous, _sinful_. Jensen feels a lump in his throat.

"You okay?" Jared asks softly, and Jensen knows Jared can see the answer written all over his face.

"Jared," he croaks out. He rubs a hand over his face and laughs humorlessly. "Fuck."

He feels the urge to shield himself from Jared's eyes, hide his nakedness even though Jared has seen a whole lot more of him the night before.

"It's okay," Jared offers, and Jensen shakes his head.

"No, it's not," he replies. "It's _not_."

"Jensen," Jared starts and makes a move to step inside the bathroom. He halts when Jensen moves back, his reaction unconscious, and smiles half-heartedly.

"I can't do this," Jensen admits, and it hurts just to say it. "I'm sorry. Last night...last night was pretty damn amazing, Jared, but it can't be more than that."

"Okay." Jared gives him a small nod.

"I'm not gay."

Jared laughs, but there's no humor in it. "Sweetheart, you went to a gay bar last night looking for a hook-up and had my dick up your ass," he says, and while the words are harsh, his tone is sad.

Jensen looks away, not wanting to see the look on Jared's face. He doesn't need pity, or even understanding.

Jared sighs, and steps closer. The room is too small for Jensen to get away, so he stays motionless as Jared moves in close, naked and beautiful, and everything Jensen will never have.

"Look," Jared starts, and his fingers slide under Jensen's chin, tipping his head up. "Last night was great and I wouldn't mind doing it again, but this isn't about me and I'm not going to ask for something you're not willing to give. If you want this to be a one-time thing only, that's fine. And if you want us to pretend it never happened, that's also fine. I can do that. But if you want something else, something more, that's okay too."

"It's not," Jensen replies, but his voice is weak.

"See, that's where you're wrong. And I hope one day you realize that – not for me, but for yourself," Jared says. He leans in and presses a soft, brief kiss to Jensen's lips. Then he lets go, steps back, and Jensen feels cold suddenly, alone.

"I'm going to go back to my room and get some more sleep. I'll see you around later," Jared says. He closes the bathroom door behind him, and Jensen sucks in a shaky breath, guilt and fear and regret clawing at him. 

Despite all the times he's had sex with guys, all the ways he's found to rationalize why he did it, this changes things. Jared isn't some anonymous fuck, isn't someone Jensen doesn't care for, and Jensen didn't fuck him. He fucked Jensen.

Fucking guys was always something he could reason away, but this is different. Last night, he let a guy fuck him and he'd liked it. More than that, he likes Jared, and it all feels so much more wrong than any sex he's had in the past few years. He's crossed a line he's carefully avoided until now, and it can't be uncrossed.

_Gay_ , he thinks. _You're gay, Jensen, and you let a guy fuck you in the ass._

There's no coming back from that.

He feels angry at himself suddenly, angry for letting things spin out of control like that. Taking a deep breath, Jensen pulls open the shower curtain and turns on the water.

He steps under the spray, hot water almost scalding his skin and loosening his muscles. He should get cleaned up, wash away the traces of last night and move on, but looking down at the array of shampoo bottles lined up in the corner, Jensen feels too tired to make a move to grab one of them.

"What the hell did you do?" he mutters, and clenches his fists, eyes burning. He tips his head back and pretends it's just water from the shower making his cheeks wet.

+

Jensen tries to act cool, pretend nothing happened, but it's not easy.

When Jensen was a junior in high school, before his mother got sick, he dreamed about becoming an actor, moving to L.A. and leaving all of this behind him. Now, he's glad he never actually did, because he seriously sucks at faking things.

Danneel keeps throwing him worried glances and despite Jensen's attempt to shrug it off, he can tell something is up. Or maybe that's because she knows both he and Jared were at _Bliss_ the night before, and Jared isn't exactly acting normal either. He's more subdued, less talkative, and it only adds to Jensen's guilt.

He doesn't want things to be different between them, doesn't want to lose the friendship he has with Jared, but he can't help trying to avoid Jared's looks, his proximity. He is sure if he gets too close, or looks at Jared, Chris and Danneel will know what happened. They will take one look at him and know that he had sex with Jared.

Which is why it's the worst timing ever when, two days after he spent the night with Jared, Danneel asks him if they can have a few people over because she and Jeff just got a call that they got the house.

"Why not celebrate at the bar?" Jensen asks.

Danneel sighs. "It's line dancing night," she says. "Jeff can't cancel that last minute – plus, we just want to invite a few people, not the whole town. It's not like we got engaged, it's just a house, but it still feels like something we should celebrate."

"Jeff's place?" Jensen tries, and Danneel frowns at him.

"Patricia lives in the apartment above his, and you know how that woman is. She goes to bed at eight and will call Jim if anyone disturbs the silence," she says. "I know you're not a fan of parties, but just for a few hours and just a few people. Please? We'll take care of everything and clean up afterward."

She looks at him pleadingly, and Jensen knows he can't say no. Not because he slept with Jared and now things are fucked up and he is, possibly, having a small crisis. It's not Danneel's fault and he knows the house is a big thing for her. "Fine," he agrees and gives her a small smile. "As long as all of us get up in time tomorrow, go ahead and let people know to come over."

Danneel beams and wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him. "Thank you, Jensen," she says and then pulls back, her hands resting on his shoulders. She gives him a serious look.

"I know something is up, and I know you're probably not in the mood for people," she starts, and Jensen groans.

"You always make it sound like I'm some grouchy, weird hermit, Danni," he starts.

"No, you're not. I'm just saying I really appreciate you letting me do this," Danneel says, squeezing his shoulders. "And whatever is going on with you, and with Jared, it'll be okay. Things will work out, Jensen."

"How do you know?" Jensen asks, but he wants to believe her.

"Because very few things can't be fixed," Danneel replies. "You mean a lot to Jared, and he means a lot to you – I know you two won't let whatever's going on take that away from you."

Jensen can't muster up more than a sad smile, and he leans forward, pressing his lips to Danneel's forehead. "You're my best friend in the whole world," he murmurs, and Danneel laughs softly.

"You're mine too, Ackles."

Jensen smiles against her skin. "And I hope you know I should be mad at you for tricking Jared into coming to _Bliss_ the other night."

Danneel tilts her head back. "Are you?" she asks, and Jensen thinks about it for a moment, then shakes his head. Danneel might have interfered, but she didn't make Jensen go home with Jared. That's all on Jensen.

"No, I'm not."

Danneel smiles. "Well, maybe that means something too," she says, and Jensen kisses her cheek, because he really doesn't want to have to think about her having a point.

+

Jensen spends the first couple of hours of the party sitting on the backporch, nursing a beer and avoiding people.

Danneel has roped some people into bringing food, and others have brought drinks, and there's a large table sitting on the lawn stacked with all sorts of things. Salads, bread, dips, wings, and even a tray of cupcakes, courtesy of Genevieve, but Jensen doesn't feel hungry even though he hasn't eaten since lunch.

When he'd gone to get a beer earlier, he nearly ran into Jared and he's pretty sure the way he jumped back and stuttered out an apology must have looked absolutely pathetic. So he stays on the porch, away from everyone, and watches Danneel flit around with a happy smile on her face, Jeff a constant present at her side as they get congratulated.

People get steadily more drunk, and someone pulls out a joint from somewhere and passes it around. Everyone is having a great time, laughing and talking, and Jensen feels himself pulling in on himself more and more with each minute that passes.

He finishes his beer and contemplates braving the small crowd to get another, when someone sits down next to him. It's Jared, and he's holding out a plate with food, a bottle of whiskey gripped in the other hand.

"Hey," Jensen says, unsure, and Jared shakes the plate a little.

"Take this. Eat," he orders. "It's really good."

Jensen takes the plate, not feeling like making a fuss even though he doesn't feel like eating. "Thanks," he mutters.

"No problem. I figured you needed to have something in your stomach before we crack this open."

He holds up the bottle and gives Jensen a grin. Jensen raises an eyebrow.

"You need to relax," Jared explains.

"I _am_ relaxed."

"Jensen, you're tense as fuck and avoiding everyone," Jared says, and then huffs. "You're avoiding _me_. Acting as if I have the plague or something."

He sounds hurt, and Jensen feels guilt settle deep in his stomach. He can't deny it, because he has been trying to keep away from Jared for the last few days, but he hadn't meant to hurt Jared. It's the last thing he's ever wanted to do.

He runs a tired hand over his face. "It's weird," he admits.

"What is?"

Jensen waves his free hand between them. "This. Us."

"Only because you're making it weird," Jared replies. "So we hooked up. It doesn't have to change things, Jensen. I told you, we can write it off as a one time thing and move on, no harm done."

Jensen sends a worried glance around the backyard, but nobody is within earshot. He doesn't want to talk about this here, with other people present – but then again, he hasn't really given Jared the opportunity to talk some other time either.

Next to him, Jared sighs. "Look, Jensen, for what it's worth, you don't look like you fucked a guy recently," he says. "Nobody knows. Nobody will know, unless one of us tells someone and I don't plan on doing that, okay?"

"That's not..." Jensen starts, but he can't bring himself to say it because both he and Jared would know it's a lie.

"Jared," he tries instead, helplessly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. You don't need to apologize to me, okay? Just...stop acting as if you hate me," Jared says. "I'm your employee, Jensen, and we have to get along if you want this to work. And I thought I was your friend, too."

"You are," Jensen assures, and looks at Jared. "You _are_."

"Well, good. Then start acting like it, cowboy, or people really will start talking about us," Jared says with a small smile. He nudges Jensen with his knee. "Now, eat. I plan on finishing off a good portion of this bottle with you, and you'll feel a lot better tomorrow morning if you had some food first."

Jensen laughs softly, and picks up the fork that's balanced on the heap of potato salad. He digs in, and Jared watches him for a moment, grinning with satisfaction, before he starts opening the whiskey.

+

Jensen hasn't quite finished the plate of food, taking sips from the bottle whenever Jared passes it over to him, before Jared decides he needs more food too.

"Scared you'll get too drunk too fast?" Jensen teases, and it only takes a little effort to make his voice sound light and casual. By the quirk of Jared's eyebrow, he knows Jared notices, but Jensen figures at least he's trying.

He doesn't want to lose their friendship over this, doesn't want to not be able to goof around with Jared, but it's not that easy. Despite what Jared said, and that Jensen knows he's absolutely right, the fact that they had sex remains. So does the fact that Jared is so deep under his skin that it terrifies Jensen a little.

"I'm more scared that Gen's cupcakes will all be gone if I don't snag one or two really soon," Jared replies, the corner of his lips curled up. He puts the bottle down, right next to Jensen's foot, and gets up. "You watch that for me, will you?"

"I won't let anyone steal your whiskey," Jensen promises, and watches Jared leave. He has to force himself to look away. Staring at Jared's ass while the backyard is packed with people probably isn't a good idea if he wants to keep this between the two of them; and yet, it takes more willpower than Jensen is proud to admit to turn his eyes away from the sight of Jared's long legs.

He picks up a piece of bread from the plate and mops up the salad dressing pooling in the middle, mixed with various dips Jared chose for him. He bites of a part of it, chewing slowly, thoughts still on Jared, on their brief conversation. Jared is right; Jensen needs to relax, needs to stop worrying before he gives himself a ulcer.

"Mind if I sit?" someone says, and Jensen startles a little, craning his head back to find Genevieve standing just behind him, looking a little hesitant.

"Hey," Jensen says, and waves his hand at the empty spot Jared left behind. "Sure, yeah."

Genevieve smiles, sitting down carefully as she balances a glass filled with bright orange punch. "Having fun?" she asks, and Jensen shrugs.

"Food's good," he says, and Genevieve laughs softly.

"Yeah, I'm not really that much into mingling either," she admits. "I'll leave that to Chris, I guess."

Jensen briefly glances at Chris, who has gotten his guitar out and is jamming with one of his friends, a more or less captivated audience gathered around them, some singing along.

"He ever tell you he thought about doing this professionally?" he asks. "Even saved up money to move out to Nashville after graduation."

"Why didn't he?"

Jensen smirks. "The idea of moving away from everything and everyone he ever knew became a bit more daunting once we actually graduated," he says, and then shrugs, voice softer as he continues, "Plus, Chris likes to think I'd fall apart without him here."

"You've been through a lot together; you and him and Danneel," Genevieve says quietly and then lets out a soft laugh. "You have no idea how intimidating that was when we first started dating. It's not easy, having to compete with you guys."

"Gen," Jensen starts, but Genevieve waves him off.

"Don't. I didn't mean it to sound bad – the kind of friendship you guys have is real special and it's _great_ ," she says. "Obviously I didn't let that scare me off either, or I wouldn't be here."

"He really loves you."

"I know. I really love him too," Genevieve says, and Jensen watches as her gaze settles on where Chris playing his guitar, a smile on her lips. He feels torn between being happy for them, and sad for himself, maybe even jealous. He's been feeling that a lot lately; envious of the relationships his friends have. Genevieve is wrong to think she has anything to worry about; she never had to be intimidated by him or Danneel. 

"I wouldn't fall apart, you know, without him," he says, and Genevieve turns to look at him, eyebrow raised.

"What?"

Jensen nods at the backyard full of people. "I know you guys will eventually want this too; getting a place together like Danni and Jeff," he says. "And Chris is probably going to think he can't move out, because he still thinks I need him. And I did, for a while, but we're all grown-up now and I don't need my best friends living here with me to be okay."

"I'm not sure Chris would agree."

"Well, Chris is a moron, and when the time comes he might need some persuasion, but it won't be because he doesn't want this with you," Jensen replies. "So just...don't give up on him whenever he acts like a commitment-phobic idiot."

Genevieve laughs. "Okay. I might need you to remind me about this again when we get there."

"I will. Right after I slap some sense into Chris," Jensen promises, and Genevieve leans into his side for a moment, nudging him.

"Thanks, Jensen."

"Any time," he says, and they share a smile. Jensen feels, oddly, like he just gave her his blessing, and he thinks in a way he did. As much as Chris loves Genevieve, he is loyal to a fault and Jensen knows Chris would stick with him until the end if he asked him too. He'd always known Danneel wouldn't live on the farm forever, but with Chris it had been different. Before he met Gen, before he settled, he suspects they both assumed they'd both live here forever; their very own bachelor pad. It had been a comforting thought, the idea of them sticking together no matter what.

Things changed for Chris when Genevieve entered the picture. And maybe, slowly, things are changing for Jensen too. The idea of him and Chris living on the farm for the rest of their lives, just the two of them, neither of them ever letting anyone else in, now seems sad rather than comforting. 

He wants Chris to leave. As much as it'll pain him, he wants Chris to be happy, wants him to have what Jensen still doubts he'll ever have himself – a life outside of work, a reason to get up in the morning that's not running a ranch. 

Jensen's eyes search out Chris again, still messing around with his guitar, smiling widely, but his gaze strays and comes to rest on Jared. He's talking to Jeff's cousin, smiling and holding a plate with cupcakes on it. As if Jared feels he's being watched, he turns his head and meets Jensen's eyes, and his smile softens a little.

He waves his hand at the porch, at Jensen, quite obviously excusing himself, before making his way across the lawn. Jensen offers him a small smile and then turns his head to Genevieve, hoping she hasn't paid attention to their little display, innocent as it was, to find she's no longer there. Jensen didn't even notice her leave.

+

Jensen stops Jared before they can get too drunk, and is rewarded by waking up the next morning with only a minor headache. By the time he has milked the cows and fed the animals, it's almost gone, and breakfast and coffee do the rest.

At lunch break, he grabs a sandwich and lets the others know he is going for a ride. He's always loved riding, sitting atop Shadowfax and letting the world pass by them in a blur, the land stretching out in front of him.

There's a hill that's high enough that you can overlook most of the ranch, and Jensen doesn't stop until he's reached the top. He pats Shadow's neck and dismounts.

He looks down at the main house, the stables and barns sprawled out in front of him, surrounded by green pastures. In the distance, he can see the pond, the water glittering in the sunlight.

Jensen used to come up here with his dad, and he remembers being a kid, his dad explaining the different parts of the ranch to him and telling him that one day all of it would be his. It used to fill Jensen with pride, thinking about owning the land, running the ranch just like his father did.

It's not until he was older that he realized that owning the ranch would mean his parents were either gone or incapable of working the land on their own. But even then he had never thought it would happen so soon, that one day his parents would be gone and Jensen would be left all on his own. Something that used to fill him with excitement became reality way too quickly, and he isn't sure he was old enough to handle it.

"How did everything become so fucked up," he whispers, smiling sadly when Shadow neighs.

He keeps looking down at the ranch, feeling older than his years. He's given up a lot, denied himself a lot, to run the ranch as best as he could, the way he thinks his father would have wanted him to. Most days it's enough, but there are times – times like this – where he wonders if this is really it. If after all he's been through, all he's lost and sacrificed, this is what he's left with. That this is what his life is going to look like until the day he dies.

It's a depressing thought, especially now that he is starting to realize that maybe there's something else entirely that he wants.

+

"Are you ever going to talk to me?" Danneel asks, dropping a handful of apples into the basket at her feet.

Jensen looks down at his own basket, half full already, and considers his options. Denial, avoidance, truth.

He sighs.

"I slept with Jared," he says.

Danneel makes a small noise, but when Jensen looks up at her, she doesn't look surprised. "I thought you might have," she admits. "The night you went to _Bliss_?"

Jensen picks another apple from the tree and drops it in the basket. "Yeah. It just...happened," he says, not sure how to explain it. Given how much he tried to fight it, Jensen isn't sure why he let it happen that night. 

"Are you guys okay?"

Jensen drops his hands, and sits down under the shade of the apple tree, back already aching from working all day. He pats the empty space next to him, and Danneel sits down. Toto is playing around in the grass a few feet away, trying to catch a butterfly.

"It's weird," he says. "For me. I don't think it is for Jared – at least he's saying he's okay with it, that we can just pretend it didn't happen. It's just not that easy."

"You regret it?" Danneel asks softly, and Jensen takes a moment to really think about it. Does he? He did the next day when he woke up next to Jared and freaked out. But in that moment, lying under Jared in his bed, it had felt right.

"I'm not sure," he says honestly. "Right now? Yes, definitely. I shouldn't have done it. Not with Jared."

"Why not?"

"He's my employee, for one," Jensen says pointedly.

"If that's your only problem, there shouldn't be a thing stopping you, Jensen," Danneel says. "Lots of people hook up with someone they work with. My mama worked for my dad at the store before they started going out."

"He's a guy," Jensen adds.

"I noticed. He's also smart, and funny, and you two have a lot in common," Danneel starts. "I know you have this whole 'I'm not gay thing' going on, but it's been almost ten years and you have to stop being in denial about this. So what if Jared has a dick? It's just equipment, honey, and that shouldn't be stopping you from being with him if that's what you want."

Jensen sighs and rests his forehead on his knees. "I'm fucking this up, aren't I?"

Danneel laughs softly. "Just a little," she agrees. "Nobody waits forever, Jensen, but Jared is patient. Just...promise me to think about this, to figure it out. And no matter what, don't let it screw up your friendship."

+

Jensen hands Jared a bottle of beer and sits down on the porch swing next to him with a groan, feeling tired and exhausted.

"Thanks, man," Jared says, and holds up his beer in a toast.

Jensen mirrors the gesture and takes a long pull from the bottle. They sit in silence for a while, chirping crickets the only noise.

Jensen thinks he should talk, but he's still trying to figure out where to start. He asked Jared to hang out tonight, told him he wanted to talk, but now that they're here he's not sure what to say. The thing is, right now, he feels like he needs someone to talk to and Jared is the only one who can possibly get it, who can help him figure out the mess in his head.

So Jensen takes a slow breath and opens his mouth.

"My parents would have freaked out," he starts with.

Jared hums in question, but doesn't say anything and Jensen is glad. He clears his throat.

"If they'd known about me. About how I sleep with guys sometimes," he says and chuckles humorlessly. "They would have hated it. _Me_."

"Jensen," Jared says softly and Jensen shakes his head.

"I know they would have," he says. "I always tried not to think about it, you know? It's always just been sex anyway – something I got out of my system and then didn't think about for the next few months. I know it's weird, but it worked for me. I never wanted anyone to know."

"Danneel does. Chris too," Jared points out. "They're okay with it."

"Others wouldn't be," Jensen replies.

Jared huffs. "Well, screw them."

Jensen gives him a weak smile. "It's not that easy, Jay. If people in town found out, it would fuck things up. I have a business to run, people who depend on me. It'd be a hell of a price to pay."

"Don't you want to be able to be yourself, though?" Jared asks, and Jensen shrugs.

"I don't know. Sometimes," he admits. "But then again, I'm not even sure I know who I am. I've been _not_ thinking about that for so long, not dealing with it."

"You need to figure out what you want," Jared says softly, and Jensen nods.

He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes burning. "I want a lot of things," he says. "But sometimes you can't get what you want, right? Isn't that what everyone always says?"

"So this is something you think you can't have?"

"Jared," Jensen starts, throat tight. "How can I? How the hell can I be gay?"

Jared sighs. "It's not about whether or not you can be, Jensen," he says. "You _are_. The question is how you're going to handle that."

Jensen presses his fingers against his eyes, trying to hold of the tears that are threatening to fall. When he tries to breathe in, a wet, broken sob escapes him. He feels an arm sneak around his shoulder, and he goes with it when Jared tugs him close, burying his face in Jared's shoulder. He clenches his hand in the fabric of Jared's shirt and holds on.

"It's okay, Jensen," Jared murmurs.

"They would have hated me," Jensen grits out, and he feels a feather light kiss being pressed to the crown of his head.

"Maybe," Jared says softly. "Maybe not. But they're not here anymore, and you have got to let go of all of that. Live your life."

Jensen turns his head sideways, wiping his tears of Jared's shirt, and rests his cheek on Jared's shoulder.

"I never let myself think about it. I tried _so hard_ not to," he whispers.

"I get it, I really do. I didn't wake up one day, realize I was into guys and all was good with the world," Jared reassures. "It took me some time, and it wasn't easy, but I got to the point where I couldn't deny that I wanted to be with guys, not girls. I lost some friends, and there are family members who're not talking to me anymore, but at the end of the day, that's their problem. I'm just being who I am."

"I just...I told myself that I wasn't gay for so long, Jared. I'm not sure how to go about changing that."

"Hey, nobody is saying you have to change your life and go around waving a rainbow flag overnight," Jared starts, running a hand through Jensen's hair.

"But," Jensen prompts softly.

"But, what I'm saying is that being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. It's not wrong, no matter what some people might say. You need to stop beating yourself up over being the way you are."

"I'm trying," Jensen admits.

"Good. That's all that matters for now."

"What about you?" Jensen asks.

"Me?"

"Us," Jensen corrects. Jared sighs, arms tightening around Jensen for a moment.

"We hooked up once, Jensen – it doesn't mean anything, unless both of us want it to," he says. "I just want you to be happy. Whether that's with me, or with some other guy, or on your own, that's up to you. I can't make that decision for you. But if you do figure out that you want me in your life as more than just a friend, then I'm here, okay?"

"What exactly does that mean?"

"It means I like you. Hell, I more than like you. But I won't pressure you into this," Jared says. "Right now, this has absolutely nothing to do with me, okay? It's about you figuring out what you want."

Jensen nods against Jared's shoulder, but he can't help thinking Jared has the last bit all wrong. It is about Jared – because if it wasn't for him, Jensen would probably still deny that he is gay. He'd live the same life he's been living for years, and despite how screwed up he feels right now, how hard this is on him, he doesn't want to go back to how things used to be. He doesn't want to not have Jared in his life, twisting him up inside and turning his world upside down.

"So we're okay, right?" he asks, and Jared laughs softly against his temple.

"We're okay," he says. "We're absolutely okay, Jensen."

+

"Jensen!"

Jensen closes the door of his truck with a thud, and turns to find Jared jogging up to him, hat clutched in his hand.

They'd been hit with a short but heavy downpour a couple of hours earlier, and the ground is muddy, Jared's boots make smacking noises with each step, little bits of dirt splashing up.

"What's up?" Jensen asks, tugging at the hem of his shirt. The rain had only cooled things down for a little while, and now the air is even stuffier, damper than before. Jensen feels like he's walking through thick molasses, clothes clinging to his body.

"Doug Johanson just called," Jared says. "One of the fences broke during the rain and the cattle got mixed up."

Jensen purses his lips. "Please tell me he's taking care of it and we don't have to ride out there today," he pleads. He wants nothing more than a cool glass of water and work that doesn't require him to be outside in the sun.

Jared makes a face. "'Fraid not. One of Doug's horses is injured and he has to wait for the vet to come, and his workers are tied up with other stuff. I told him we'd take care of it and bring our herd to a different pasture until we can get the fence fixed, sorry."

"Fuck," Jensen groans.

"I can do it on my own," Jared offers, and Jensen shakes his head dismissively.

"It'd take you forever. Danneel and Chris are busy?"

"Chris has the afternoon off; he's at Gen's, I think," Jared says. "And Danneel is cleaning the barn, and with the way she's been cursing and complaining, I'm not sure you want to switch places with her."

"Ugh, no," Jensen agrees and sighs in defeat. "Fine, let's get going."

Jared gives him a small smile. "If it's any consolation, Danneel is making her momma's lasagna tonight," he says, and all Jensen can think is that Jared already knows him way too well.

Jared nudges him with his elbow, placing his hat on top of his head and they head out to the stables. Snowfire and Shadow are saddled in no time, and riding out to the pasture is actually nice, Argos following them with a wagging tail and excited barking.

They take the same route they took a couple of months ago, riding past the pond, and Jensen feels a small flare of hope that they sort the cattle quickly and can take a brief dip in the water after.

His hope quickly dies when they get to the pasture, and see that a whole part of the fence is down and the two herds are mixed completely.

By the time the cattle is separated into theirs and Doug's, Jared and Jensen herding their cattle to a neighboring pasture, Jensen's shirt is sticking to his back and the sun is already low in the sky.

He sighs in relief when the last cow trots past him through the open gate, and starts pushing it closed behind her. His boots are good inch or two deep in the mud, though, and the gate is heavy, stuck with rust, and he has to put his weight into it to get it to move. He gets it halfway shut, a squealing metallic sound echoing through the air, but when he gives it another hard shove, he feels the ground give away under him, boots sliding on the mud. The next thing he knows, he is sprawled out on the ground, the dirt sludgy under his hands.

"Jensen," Jared exclaims. "Are you okay?"

Jensen struggles onto his hands and knees, making a disgusted sound. His whole front is covered in mud, and he can feel it on his cheek, sticky and cool. "I fucking hate my life," he groans.

Jared is silent for a split second, and then he laughs, loud and happy, and Jensen turns to glare at him.

Jared is already off Snowfire, and he takes a few steps toward Jensen, his laugh almost hysterical, and holds out a hand. "Come on," he says, "let's get you up and back to the house, so you can shower."

Jensen accepts the offered hand. "We are never talking about this again," he threatens, and tries to push himself up. Jared gives his hand a hard tug, trying to help, and for a moment it seems to be working, before Jared stumbles, boots sliding on the slippery ground just like Jensen's did. He goes down, too, their joint attempt to get Jensen off the ground making him fall right into Jensen.

Jensen falls back, ass hitting the ground again.

"Shit," Jared yelps, eyes wide as he catches himself with hands on Jensen's shoulders.

"Ow," Jensen winces, his hips throbbing from the impact.

"You okay?" Jared asks, trying to move back and help Jensen up onto his knees again.

"I'm good," Jensen assures, looking down at Jared. He landed on his knees, mud splashed halfway up his thighs, but other than his hands and a few patches on his shirt where he connected with Jensen, he is clean. Unlike Jensen. "This isn't fair."

"What?" Jared asks with a quirked grin.

Jensen waves his hand at him. "I look like I took a fucking bath in dirt, and you totally got off easy," he complains, and then, without really thinking about what he is doing, he brings his hand up and smears mud over Jared's face.

Jared sputters, hands batting at Jensen as he tries to squirm away, face turned to the side. "Stop," he cries out. "Jensen, stop it. What the fuck are you doing?"

Jensen, though, just laughs. "What? I can't hear you. Must have mud stuck in my ears."

Jared growls, low and threatening, his fingers finally managing to curl around Jensen's wrist. "Oh, you'll have mud in your ears, all right," he warns, and scoops up a hand of dirt from the ground.

Jensen tries to duck out of the way, laughing, but the ground is too slippery, and Jared rubs the mud into his hair, down his forehead.

"Eww," Jensen groans, but he reaches down, no intention to let Jared get the last shot. He digs his fingers into the mud, trying to grab as much as he can, to cover Jared with it. There's no plan of attack, he just wipes his hands on Jared where he can reach him, and Jared retaliates much the same, both of them laughing as they fight.

By the time they stop, Jensen is breathless and covered in dirt from head to toe. Jared isn't faring much better, face brown and hair matted down. He's holding both of Jensen's wrists in his hands, keeping him immobile, and grins.

"You done?" he asks.

"If you are," Jensen says, and Jared wrinkles his nose.

"Promise?"

"Promise," Jensen says, wriggling his hands a little with a smile. Jared lets go, looking cautious, but then he relaxes when Jensen makes no move to attack again.

"Want to try the whole getting up off the ground thing again?" Jared suggests, and Jensen nods.

"Since I don't plan on staying down here forever, yeah, let's."

It's still a bit of a struggle, feet slipping and sliding and their hands gripping each other for balance, but they manage to get up eventually.

Jared helps him push the gate the rest of the way closed, and Jensen leans against it for a moment.

"Home?" he asks, angling his face up to look at Jared. Jared grins down at him, teeth incredibly white in contrast to his dirt-streaked face.

"Home," he agrees, and reaches out. He wipes his thumb under Jensen's eye, fingers curled around his jaw, despite the fact that his hand must be even dirtier than Jensen's face. The touch is gentle, sweet, and Jensen leans into it automatically.

Jared gives him a sheepish smile and drops his hand again, moves away, and Jensen thinks if they weren't so dirty and disgusting, he'd pull him back in and kiss him. The thought brings no surge of guilt or shame, just a giddy tingling in the pit of Jensen's stomach.

He ducks his head, smiling, and follows Jared to the horses.

+

Danneel comes out onto the porch when they walk up to the house after putting the horses into the stable, a dishtowel in her hand and a smudge of tomato sauce in the corner of her lips. Jensen's mouth waters at the thought of food.

Danneel looks them up and down, eyes wide. "What the hell happened?" she asks.

Jensen's lips twitch up into a smile, his eyes meeting Jared's briefly. "I slipped."

"And then rolled around in the mud, and Jared decided it looked like fun and joined in?" Danneel asks, putting her hands on her hips.

Jared snorts. "Something like that, yeah."

"Things got a little out of control," Jensen admits, and makes a move to walk up the porch steps.

Danneel shakes her head. "Oh no, Ackles. You are not coming in here. Go clean up."

"It's my house," Jensen retorts, and Danneel sends him a glare.

"The ground-floor is common room, and you are not tracking mud all over the place."

"Danneel," Jensen whines.

"Nu-uh. You play in the mud like a kid, I'm going to treat you like one."

Right behind him, Jared laughs and touches Jensen's elbow. "Come on, we'll use the bathroom in the annex."

"Ah, no you're not," Danneel says. "That's _my_ bathroom."

"Ours," Jared corrects.

"Oh yeah? You and Chris clean it about once a month, and you do a pretty shitty job at it on top of it," Danneel replies, and Jensen feels a bit relieved that her anger is directed at Jared now and no longer at him.

"I'll clean it more often."

"I'm moving out soon, so you'll have to," Danneel says and smiles smugly. "But until then, I call the shots, buddy, and you're not showering all that mud off in there."

"Well, where do you want us to shower?" Jensen asks. "Since we apparently aren't allowed to use any of the bathrooms, 'cause god forbid we get the rooms that are meant for cleaning dirty."

"You can use the shower out back." Danneel waves her hand to the side of the house. "And better hurry. Food is ready in thirty minutes."

"You are really going to make us shower outside?" Jensen asks, and when Danneel nods, he sighs. "You know what? You're no longer my best friend."

"I have Chris and Jeff, I don't need you anyway," Danneel says and makes a shooing noise. "Now, off you two go."

Jensen sighs, but doesn't try to argue, knowing he's never going to win against Danneel anyway. He turns and motions at Jared to follow him.

"Come on," he says. Jared follows him with a put out look on his face, but he's apparently smart enough not to voice anymore protest either.

"I pity her future kids," he whispers once they're a few feet away, crowded in behind Jensen. Jensen lets out a laugh.

"Yeah," he agrees.

"Guess we'll have to be the cool uncles who will let them run wild and have some fun," Jared says, jostling Jensen a little with his shoulder. "We already got the mud fight thing down; they'll love us."

Jensen glances back at him as they round the house, amused. "Danneel would love that."

Jared makes a dismissive sound. "It's what uncles do," he claims, and then slings his arm around Jensen's shoulder. The mud has started to dry, falling off of them in flakes, and Jensen grimaces, skin tight and itching, but he doesn't move away from Jared.

There's an old, metal bathtub behind the house, with a sprayer mounted to the wall. It's attached to an old garden hose, leading a tap right next to the tub, and Jensen shudders at the thought of the cold water.

"You want to go first?" he offers.

"Really? You will let me have the first shower even though it's no doubt going to be oh so luxurious and not cold at all?" Jared asks sarcastically, and Jensen kicks him gently.

"Shut up, ass. I'd rather have a real shower, too," he replies, and goes to turn on the tap. He takes a look around, realizing they don't have anything to dry off.

"I'll go get towels from Danneel, and a change of clothes."

"Bring me something too?" Jared asks, already taking off his shirt.

"Shorts and t-shirt okay?" Jensen asks, trying to be subtle as he watches Jared, but when he sees him grin he has a feeling Jared knows anyway.

"Perfect," Jared says, and Jensen nods quickly, turning around before Jared starts taking off his jeans. The last thing he needs is an erection right before facing Danneel to get towels.

Danneel grumbles a little when Jensen tells her what they need, and gets the oldest, rattiest towels they have and grabs shorts and t-shirts from Jensen's room for both of them.

"Have fun showering with Jared," she calls out after him, and if Jensen's hands weren't full he'd flip her off. He's still thinking about all the ways he will pay Danneel back for this whole thing when he rounds the house, and stops dead in his tracks.

Jared is standing in the tub, back turned towards Jensen and Jensen feels like an idiot for not considering that Jared would be _completely_ naked.

"Uh," he stutters, and Jared looks at him over his shoulder, wet hair plastered to his forehead.

"Hey, you're back," he says, and shifts a little, turning enough for Jensen to see his cock.

"Yeah," Jensen says, and hopes the mud on his cheeks hides his flush. "I, uh, have towels. And clothes."

Jared slicks his hair back with one hand, the water running down his body almost clear already, and smiles. "You've seen the goods already, Jensen," he says. "Several times."

Jensen pretends not to know what he's talking about and sets the towels down on the ground. "So?"

Jared sends him an amused look and shakes his head, expression fond. "You're real cute when you're embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed," Jensen lies, and kicks off his boots. He starts undressing, just to prove a point, and tries not to think about Jared watching him as he strips off his shirt and his pants, leaving him in his boxer briefs.

Jared turns off the water, the nozzle shutting off with a small click, and holds out his hand. "Pass me one of the towels, please?"

Jensen does as he's told, feeling a bit jealous at how casual Jared acts about being naked, how comfortable he is in his own skin. And not just around anyone, but around a guy he's slept with and admitted having feelings for. Not that Jared has anything to be embarrassed about, but Jensen has never managed that kind of confidence.

Jared steps out of the tub and starts rubbing himself dry. "I can go get dressed somewhere else," he offers, glancing at Jensen. "Or turn away. I swear I won't peek."

Jensen considers taking him up on his offer, but it makes him feel a little ridiculous. Jared _has_ seen him naked before, has touched him, fucked him; he knows Jensen's body in ways nobody else ever has, and if he hasn't had any complaints so far, Jensen shouldn't be bothered by stripping off in front of him.

"Don't worry," he says, and Jared smiles.

"If you're sure," he says, and Jensen pushes down his boxer briefs to show just how sure he is.

There's an inch or two of water in the tub, murky and brown, and Jensen steps inside a little reluctantly. He grips the trigger of the nozzle, letting the water flow, and locks it in place. The water is cold, and Jensen lets out a small yelp.

Jared laughs, and Jensen turns to glare at him.

"It's fucking freezing," he says, and Jared shrugs, pulling a pair of shorts up his legs.

"I know. And yet _I_ didn't yell like a little kid," he replies smugly. "So suck it up and get clean."

"Whatever," Jensen dismisses, and turns his face back into the spray before Jared can reply.

He wonders if Jared is watching him, sneaking looks just like Jensen did, and it sends a thrill down his body. He starts cleaning himself off, suddenly not caring that Jared can see him.


	5. Chapter 5

At night, it gets absolutely quiet inside the house. Jensen always sleeps with an open window, just to have some kind of noise trickle in.

There are four empty rooms on the floor of Jensen's bedroom – two guest rooms, his parents' old bedroom, and his dad's former office – and it's always times like this, when it's dark outside and Jensen is alone in his room, that he realizes how big and empty the house is. One person isn't nearly enough to fill the silence, to make the house lived-in and comfortable.

Jensen sighs, running a thumb over the seam of his boxer briefs, and tries to focus on the open book in his lap. His mother gave him her copy of _Grapes of Wrath_ when he was a young teenager, and Jensen remembers reading the whole thing over the course of a few days, not wanting to put it down. The agricultural struggles, the hardships the characters faced, had struck a chord with him, had ignited a love for the ranch, a determination to never give it up, inside of him that had made his mother smile fondly at him when he'd told her.

He's reread the novel twice since, and he's loved it just as much as the first time.

Today, though, Jensen can't concentrate on the words on the page. The silence around him is too heavy, and his thoughts keep straying, going back to Jared.

Out on the pasture, he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to pull Jared close, to say _screw everything else_. And it hadn't made him feel scared, or guilty – all he'd felt was excitement, want. 

Jared had told him to figure things out, and Jensen can't help thinking that maybe he finally has. Not everything, but at least the part that matters. He wants Jared. Not just the sex, either, but everything, and he doesn't want to wait another few months for it either. He's admitted he's gay to himself, to Jared, so there shouldn't be anything holding him back now, certainly not his stupid fears and worries.

Part of him still feels screwed up, completely out of his depth, but it doesn't feel as scary as it did just a few weeks ago. Maybe that's just part of having feelings for someone, of finally letting yourself want something you've repressed all of your life. And Jensen wants. He wants Jared, wants to be with him, and he's ready to accept that. To do something about it.

Jensen glances at his alarm clock, the glowing numbers telling him it's just past 10, and closes the book before getting off the bed. He puts on a pair of jeans, jamming his bare feet into his working boots without bothering to lace them, and makes his way downstairs.

Outside, it's cooled down a little, the air feeling nice on his bare arms.

He's halfway across the space between the main house and the annex when the light turns on and the door opens and Danneel steps out. She's dressed in a tight pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with a cowl-neck, hair done up in a ponytail.

"Hey," she says, stopping when she sees Jensen.

"Going out?" Jensen asks, and Danneel nods.

"I was going to the bar to hang out with Jeff. Unless you need me?" she says, and Jensen shakes his head.

"No, don't worry."

"Then what are you doing here?" she asks.

Jensen smiles at her. "There's something I have to do," he says vaguely, and just saying those words makes him feel nervous and giddy, makes him realize the finality of what he's about to do.

Danneel gives him a quizzical look. "Okay," she says slowly, and slings her purse over her shoulder, keys in hand. "Just no more mud, okay?"

"No more mud," Jensen promises and Danneel smiles.

"Okay. Bye then," she says and lifts her hand in a wave. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, tomorrow," Jensen echoes. He watches her walk to her car, open the door and get inside, before he moves again. He slips inside the annex, and walks up to the last door. He knocks, and taps his foot against the ground impatiently as he waits for Jared to answer.

Jared looks like he was already in bed when he pulls the door open, hair mussed and eyes a little bleary.

"Jensen?"

"Hey. Can I come in?" Jensen asks.

Jared gives him a small, confused look, but he steps aside and opens the door further. He's wearing boxers and a t-shirt, and Jensen feels like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world, because Jared is here, with him, and all he has to do is reach out and take what he wants, and Jared will be his.

"You okay?" Jared asks, closing the door. "You want to sit down or something?"

Jensen shakes his head, and meets Jared's eyes in the dim light of the room, the bedside lamp the only source of light. "I'm gay," he says, voice sure. "And I'm in love with you."

Jensen isn't sure how he expected Jared to react, but the way he is looking at Jensen makes his nervousness return instantly. Jared gives him a small smile that's not unhappy, but not really happy either. He looks uncertain, like he doesn't quite trust Jensen's words yet.

"Jensen," he starts.

Jensen licks his lips, holding up his hands to interrupt Jared. 

"No, Jared. You said you'd wait. And I'm telling you right now you don't have to," he says and steps closer, until he's right in front of Jared. "I want this, Jared. I want you."

Jared reaches for him, resting his hands on Jensen's hips, and leans his forehead against Jensen's. "Jensen. I need you to be 100% sure," he says softly. "No turning back. I can't do this if you change your mind again tomorrow and freak out about us."

"I know. I'm sure," Jensen says confidently, and leans up, pressing his lips to Jared's. 

Jared sighs, fingers digging into Jensen's hips as he pulls him closer, kissing him back. Jensen melts into it, his heart hammering a mile a minute in his chest, and he wraps his arms around Jared's neck. It's different than the first time, better, because it isn't about hooking up. Because this time Jensen knows it's just the first of many kisses, of so much more.

They stumble back onto Jared's bed, and Jensen can't help but smile when Jared breaks the kiss and looks down at him with wondrous eyes, lips shiny and pink.

"What?" he asks, tugging a little at a strand of hair at the back of Jared's neck.

"Nothing," Jared murmurs, and kisses him again, body lying perfectly in the V of Jensen's splayed legs. Jensen sighs happily, parting his lips for Jared's tongue, and feeling absolutely content to just lay under Jared's body, kissing until they need to stop to breathe.

+

Jensen wakes up the next morning when Jared moves, jostling him. Jensen squints, watching blearily as Jared pushes up on an elbow and reaches over Jensen. He pushes a couple of buttons on his alarm clock, turning it off even though it hasn't made a sound yet. The first light of dawn is shining in through the open window, bathes the room in a soft light.

Jensen rolls onto his side, curling up against Jared, and hums under his breath. "Morning," he mumbles, and slides his arm around Jared's waist.

"Good morning," Jared replies, voice hushed, and kisses the corner of Jensen's mouth. "Sleep well?"

"Hmm, yeah." Jensen snuggles closer, breathing in Jared's scent. He keeps his eyes closed, wanting to enjoy the last few moments before they need to get up, the bed warm and comfortable.

He feels Jared's fingers in his hair, carding through it carefully. "Not freaking out?" Jared whispers, and Jensen can hear the caution in his tone.

He blinks his eyes open, yawning, and pushes one leg between Jared's, tangling them together. "No," he says honestly and gives Jared a small smile. "Told you, I'm sure about this now. About us."

Jared smiles back, a look of relief passing over his features, eyes tender and fond. Nobody's ever looked at him like that, Jensen thinks, and it makes him feel warm inside, light.

"I wish we didn't have to get up," he admits. It earns him a kiss, Jared's hand sliding under the sheets and coming to rest low on his waist.

"Me too," Jared replies.

Jensen yawns again and shifts so he can tuck his head under Jared's chin. Jared wraps his arm around him, pulling him close.

"Sorry I kept you up so late," he says, and Jensen laughs softly.

"You're not sorry," he claims, pinching Jared's side.

Jared squirms. "I'm sorry we didn't get a lot of sleep," he amends, and Jensen knows he doesn't really mean that either. They'd made out for what felt like hours, lazy and unhurried, before they'd moved things along, undressing. Jared had fucked him deep and slow, stopping to share kisses, and it had been the most amazing sex Jensen ever had. Afterward, they'd curled up together, cuddling, and talking softly.

They hadn't gotten more than four or five hours of sleep, but Jensen thinks it was worth it.

He kisses Jared's throat and then pulls back, sitting up with an unhappy groan. "Come on," he says, lightly slapping Jared's leg through the sheets. "The animals don't feed themselves."

"Too bad." Jared stretches, arms over his head, and Jensen watches with interest as the sheets slide down low on his hips. Jared catches his eyes and grins.

"You're going to be the death of me," Jensen admits and leans over, holding himself up with one hand on each side of Jared's face as he leans down to kiss him softly on the lips.

"I'll try to behave," Jared says, but belies his words by wrapping his hands around Jensen's arms and pulling him down again. Jensen laughs and lets him – they can be a few minutes late.

+

"You're oddly happy for someone doing mundane work," Danneel says, smiling at Jensen who is rubbing down Shadow.

"And a man can't be happy working?" he asks, and stops to accept the bottle of water Danneel holds out to him. It's scorching hot again, air almost as humid as the day before.

"So it's work that's putting that smile on your face?" Danneel asks, tone teasing.

Jensen twists the cap off the water bottle and takes a sip. "What smile?"

Danneel raises her eyebrows and smirks. "The one that's been a permanent fixture on your face all day."

Jensen shrugs, ducking his head a little to hide his face.

"Know what else?" Danneel continues. "I was out fixing the broken fence with Jared, and since it's hot as balls he took off his shirt."

"So?"

"He had some pretty impressive scratch marks on his back. Either he got in a fight with an angry cat, or he had a _really_ good night," Danneel says. "And when I left last night, it was just you and Jared on the ranch."

"Hmm," Jensen hums. "You should ask him about what happened then, not me."

"Oh, so you have no clue? Because I did ask Jared, and he refused to say anything." Danneel cocks her head to the side. "He seemed pretty damn happy today, too, though."

"Funny, that."

"Yeah, real funny," Danneel agrees. "So, did _you_ have a good night?"

Jensen licks his lips, and grins. "I can't complain," he says with a shrug, and Danneel smiles hopefully.

"Really? You're not freaking out about this? No drunken crying on my shoulder, or shutting yourself up in your bedroom?"

"Nope. Well, maybe the latter," Jensen replies, and when Danneel looks at him questioningly, he smiles. "With Jared, though."

Danneel lets out a whoop. "I knew it!" she gloats. "I so knew you and Jared would be a thing."

"Congratulations on your clairvoyant abilities," Jensen mocks, and pats Shadow's neck.

"Thank you," Danneel replies. "Congratulations on your really hot boyfriend."

Jensen bites down on his lower lip. Boyfriend. The word is enough to make his stomach swoop hotly. "Thank you," he says, soft and sincere.

+

Jared is cooking dinner that night, and Jensen sneaks into the kitchen a little earlier than usual. He wraps his arms around Jared from behind, watching him stir a soup that looks very heavy on vegetables and light on potatoes and meat.

"Hey," he murmurs and kisses the back of Jared's neck.

"Hey you," Jared replies, glancing at him quickly. "Done with work?"

"Yup." He nods against Jared's shoulder, resting his cheek against it. "So, I heard you stripped down in front of Danneel."

He feels Jared tense, and he runs his hand over Jared's stomach in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. "I'm guessing she told you about the marks on my back?"

"Yeah," Jensen says and stands up a little straighter, though he keeps his arms around Jared.

Jared puts a lid on the pot and turns the heat down, before turning around in the circle of Jensen's arms. "I'm sorry," he says, looking down at Jensen with big, sincere eyes. "It was hot and I wasn't really thinking."

"You're sorry?" Jensen asks, confused. "Dude, I'm the one who scratched your back up last night."

Jared wrinkles his nose a little. "You think I care? Last night was awesome, Jensen."

"I didn't hurt you, right?" Jensen asks, and Jared laughs.

"Jensen," he says. "The last thing you did was hurt me. Believe me. I'm the one who keeps leaving marks on you."

He reaches up and runs a thumb over Jensen's collarbone, over the place Jensen knows he left a mark, now hidden by his shirt. He saw it that morning when he was brushing his teeth in the bathroom in the annex, remembering Jared biting down on that spot right before he came. He did the same thing the first time they had sex and the knowledge that Jared is a bit of a biter, the thought of Jared leaving marks all over his body, makes blood rush down to Jensen's dick.

Jensen clears his throat, squirms a little. "I don't mind," he admits. "At all."

"At all, huh?" Jared echoes, and grins.

Jensen blushes a little, but he doesn't lower his head or look away. "No," he answers honestly, and Jared leans in and kisses him softly.

"You're fucking amazing, Jensen Ackles," he murmurs, cupping Jensen's face in his hands.

Jensen smiles, brushing their lips together. "I'm glad you think so."

"I really do," Jared says. "So, you're not mad about the thing with Danneel? Her figuring out what happened last night, I mean."

Jensen shakes his head. "She's my best friend. She's always known about, you know, what was going on with me. About the first time we hooked up, too," he says, and then laughs softly. "Actually, she schemed so you'd go there that night in the first place."

"She did?"

Jensen laughs sheepishly. "Yeah. She's kinda been trying to get us together for a while."

"I just thought she wanted you to get comfortable with your sexuality," Jared says. "I didn't know about me."

Jensen shrugs, not sure how to explain that Danneel figured out he liked Jared long before Jensen did, or was ready to admit it. Thinking back now, he realizes he was pretty much taken with Jared right away, it's just taken him a long time to admit it. He's never gone for a guy like Jared, but now he wonders if that was just him trying to avoid having feelings for someone, to stay safe. Jared gets to him in ways no guy ever has, and it's not just because he's a great person – Jensen has no qualms about admitting that physical attraction matters and Jared is easily the most attractive guy he's ever met. Just looking at him, being close to him, causes a reaction Jensen has never felt before.

"She knows me pretty well," Jensen finally settles on, running a hand down Jared's arm. "Better than I know myself, maybe."

"Hmm, well, I'm glad. Sounds like maybe we wouldn't be where we are if it wasn't for her."

"No, I guess not," Jensen agrees, and leans up to kiss Jared. Without Jared leaning in, meeting him halfway, he has to get up on his tiptoes to reach his mouth. He tries to picture it in his mind, the way they must look right now together, and he thinks he's been a freaking idiot to go for guys so different from Jared until now.

"So," Jared starts when they pull apart, "what are we going to do about everyone else?"

"Huh?" Jensen asks, thoughts still on Jared and kissing and how damn tall Jared is.

"Who are we going to tell about us?" Jared asks, and Jensen's instantly brought back down to earth.

"I – I can't be _out_ to everyone," he says.

"I know. Jensen, no, that's not what I meant," Jared assures, stroking his hands up and down Jensen's side. "I meant our friends. Chris. Jeff."

"Oh," Jensen says, and thinks about it for a moment. "Chris knows. About me, anyway, and he's going to figure out the rest too. And...I don't want to make Danneel lie, or pretend when Jeff is here."

"Okay, so we'll tell them."

Jensen nods. "Genevieve, too," he adds. "It's just...everyone else. People in town, they wouldn't understand."

Jared sighs, tugging until Jensen leans in and kisses his forehead. "I know. I'm not an idiot; I know we can't out ourselves and everything will be fine," he say. "But I don't want to lie to our friends."

"Me neither," Jensen agrees, and Jared smiles.

"Good," he says, and his hands slide around Jensen, clasping at the small of his back as he leans down and kisses Jensen once more.

Jared's lips are soft, firm, kissing Jensen and coaxing his lips apart, and Jensen makes a pleased sound, letting Jared set the pace.

"Uh, guys?" a voice sounds, and Jensen startles, pulling away from Jared. He turns around and finds Chris standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised.

"Hi," Jensen says tentatively, and Jared lets out a small sound, his arms not loosening around Jensen.

Chris's eyes are wide, and for a moment he just stares at them, before his lips twitch and he smiles. "About damn time," he says, and Jensen hears Jared laugh while pressing a kiss to his temple.

+

Jensen has never really given relationships much thought, but he never thought it would be this easy. The transition from friends to boyfriends is oddly smooth, and it's almost like nothing much changes between him and Jared.

The first couple of weeks things between them are effortless.

Their days are filled with work, and it's the same as before. Jensen doesn't spend the time he's away from Jared yearning for him, too distracted to get anything done, and when they work together he doesn't ogle Jared with hearts in his eyes. Things are remarkably normal. They'll steal a kiss here and there, or the odd, small touch, but their interactions during the day center around the ranch much like they always have. Late summer is in full swing and there's a lot of work to do when it's not too hot outside to do more than hide out in the shade and stay hydrated.

Jared spends a lot of nights in the main house now, but even that doesn't feel like a big change. Falling asleep listening to Jared's steady breathing and waking up cuddled together is nice, comforting, but it's not nearly as life-changing as Jensen had expected it to be.

The biggest difference, perhaps, is his sex life. The fact that Jensen has never had this much sex, was used to going a couple of months or more between getting laid, notwithstanding, the sex itself is different too. There's no shame, no regret, when he's with Jared now and there's something freeing about that. With Jared, it's all about enjoyment, about intimacy, and Jensen revels in that.

He doesn't think about what could go wrong, about what other people might think about them, nearly as much as he thought he would. On the ranch, it's just them and Jensen quickly learns to relax and stop worrying.

Then one day, he's in his office, finishing up a call about an order, when his eyes fall on the framed picture of him and his parents sitting on the desk. Jensen is three or four years old in the photo, sitting on his mother's lap with a toothy, crooked smile. They look like a happy, little family, so _normal_ Jensen's heart aches a little.

He sighs, and sits down in his desk chair.

Next to the photo of his parents and him, there's another one of him with Chris and Danneel. It was taken a couple of years ago, the three of them standing in front of the main house, dressed in their work clothes. They're dirty and sweaty, but they're grinning into the camera, arms slung around each other. It's a family picture, too – not quite so normal, maybe, but family nonetheless.

Except, now when Jensen looks at it, he can't help but think that Jared should be there too. There's a tiny part of Jensen that's reluctant, though. The ranch still feels so much like his parents' place, not his, and Jensen can only imagine how they would feel about him so blatantly displaying a photo of his boyfriend in the very home they built.

Still, Jared is family. Not theirs, but his. He's part of the little surrogate family Jensen has these days, and the ranch is as much Jared's home as Jensen's.

+

It's something Jensen ponders for the rest of the day; his feelings for Jared versus what he feels he owes his parents.

In the end, the decision he makes is easier than he thought it would be. His parents are gone and Jensen knows he needs to stop living in their shadow, needs to stop trying to do what he assumes they would have wanted him to. Jared is there, kind and caring and wonderful. Jensen meant it when he told him he's ready and he's sure – wherever things with Jared will lead, Jensen is all in and he needs to let go of the past for that.

Jared is already in bed when Jensen comes out of the bathroom that night, his mind made up, and when he sees Jared giving him a small, sweet smile he knows he's doing the right thing.

He slides under the sheets next to Jared and settles in close, pressing a lips to Jared's shoulder. Jared worms his arm around him and pulls him in, and Jensen snuggles up against him, kisses his throat, his cheek.

"You doing okay?" Jared asks quietly, running his free hand over Jensen's hair.

"Hmm, yeah," Jensen replies. He shifts to get even closer, sliding one leg between Jared's.

"You were quiet today," Jared adds. "Like you had something on your mind."

Jensen exhales and shrugs. "I did, kinda," he admits, but doesn't say more.

"Don't want to talk about it?" Jared guesses.

"Not today," Jensen replies and tips his head back to look up at Jared. "I have a favor to ask you, though."

"Sure."

"Can you take care of the ranch tomorrow? I need the morning off, but I'll be back after lunch, at the latest."

Jared looks at him with a creased brow, but he nods, running the tip of a finger over Jensen's cheek. "I can do that," he asks. "I'm guessing you're not going to tell me where you're going either?"

"There's just something I got to do. For myself," Jensen tries to explain. "I will tell you, I promise. I just...just want to do this first."

"Okay," Jared says and kisses his forehead. "I don't need to be worried, right?"

Jensen smiles. "No. Not at all," he promises and puts a hand on Jared's neck, pulling him down into a kiss. Jared goes with it, apparently satisfied with Jensen's vague answer. His hand slides down Jensen's back until he's palming his ass, shifting them until Jensen is lying on his back.

He pulls back a little, cupping Jensen's face, thumb rubbing over his cheek, and places a lingering kiss onto Jensen's lips.

"You want to?" he asks, and Jensen grins, hooks his leg over Jared's hip.

"What do you think?" he replies, and Jared laughs softly.

"I was trying to be considerate."

Jensen wraps his arms around Jared's neck and pulls him into another kiss, quick and teasing. "And I really appreciate that," he says with another kiss. "But I'd appreciate it more if you'd fuck me now."

Jared sighs. "Fine," he says. "Since you're the boss."

+

The cemetery is quiet when Jensen gets there, a serenity hanging over the place that he's always found odd, so contrary to the emotions it's always evoked in him.

The only other person he meets is old Mrs. Harris, Danneel's grandmother, and she just utters a quiet greeting, giving Jensen a small, sad smile. Jensen returns it with a nod, glad she knows not to try to talk to him. Most people know to leave him alone when he comes here, but the pitying, doleful looks he gets are enough to make Jensen's skin crawl.

He takes the familiar path through the rows, head down, until he reaches his parents' graves. Before leaving, he picked a few flowers from the backyard of the ranch, knowing his parents would have appreciated that more than ones he bought. He made sure to include sunflowers, his mother's favorites, and he tried to put them together in a way that it at least resembled an actual bouquet a little. He puts them down on the graves carefully and then sits down on the dusty, dry ground in front of them.

"Hey," he whispers and runs a hand down the side of his face. "I'm sorry I haven't dropped by in a while. It's just...it's hard, coming here. I still miss you guys so much."

He shifts, clasping his hands in his lap. "Plus, I've been real busy with work," he adds. "The ranch is doing well. You should be here to see it right now; we've gotten a lot done, and it always looks so beautiful in late summer."

Jensen stops, and tries to pick his next words. "We, uh, we have a new ranch hand, too," he finally settles on. "You would like him. Jared's a great guy. And he's been real good for me. He's taught me a lot. About the kind of person I want to be and the life I want to live...I'm, I'm in love with him. And I know you wouldn't have approved, but I can't help it."

Clearing his throat, he looks down at his hands for a moment and picks at the nail of his thumb. "I tried to fight it; being gay," he adds softly, and looks back up. His eyes are burning with unshed tears, but he tries to bite them back, to get it all out first. "I tried to fight it for so long, but I can't change who I am. And I'd like to think you'd want me to be happy, that hopefully that's more important to you than the fact that it's with a guy. And I am happy now. Jared, he makes me happy and he is really important to me."

Jensen bites his lower lip, and smiles sadly at the two engraved stones in front of him. The silence around him remains unbroken, but now that he has said what he came to say, he feels like it's less heavy, less suffocating. The first tear finally slips out, running down his face, and Jensen lets it fall.

After a few moments of sitting, unmoving, he gets up. He wipes his face and dusts off his jeans, lingering for a second. "Bye," he whispers. "I'll come back soon. Maybe...maybe I'll bring Jared one day."

He touches his mother's gravestone, still cool in the early morning sun, and then turns around to leave.

+

It's shortly after noon by the time Jensen makes it back to the ranch. After his visit to the graveyard, he'd driven around a little, needing some time to himself.

The ranch is calm when he gets there, but it feels like a world's difference compared to the graveyard's silence, and Jensen feels the last of the morning's tension leave his body as he gets out of the car.

Danneel is sitting on the steps of the porch, a sandwich in her hand and a mug with coffee sitting next to her hip. She waves.

"Want some lunch?" she asks, holding up her sandwich and Jensen shakes his head.

"I already ate," he replies. "Where's Jared?"

"In the paddock with Daisy," Danneel says.

Jensen lifts his hand in thanks, and then makes his way to the paddock behind the stables. Jared is riding Daisy in a slow trot, and Jensen leans against the fence for a moment and watches him.

When Jared spots him, Jensen gives him a small wave.

"Hey, you're back," Jared calls and leads Daisy over to where Jensen is standing, before getting off the horse. He swings himself over the fence.

"Hey," Jensen replies and something must show on his face, because Jared gives him a concerned frown. He looks a little unsure what to do or say, though, so Jensen steps close and wraps his arms around Jared.

Jared hugs him back, and Jensen sighs into the groove between Jared's shoulder and neck.

"You okay?" Jared asks carefully, and Jensen closes his eyes for a moment, nodding.

"Yeah," he replies. "Yeah, I'm good."

He holds on for a moment, feeling calm and relaxed, and he smiles when he steps back. "I was at my parents' graves," he says. "I guess it's a bit silly, but I told them about myself. About you. I know it doesn't actually mean anything, but it's something I think I needed to do."

"Jensen," Jared breathes. "That's not silly at all. I think that's fantastic."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jared says, nodding. He takes Jensen's face in his hand, eyes searching and Jensen nuzzles his palm.

"Sorry it took me so long," he murmurs. "To get here, I mean."

"What? Jensen, it's okay. We talked about this before," Jared assures.

"I know. But I think there was still a part of me that was holding back a little," Jensen admits. "But not anymore. I'm in this, Jared, all the way."

He leans up and kisses Jared, sure and firm. Jared's lips are a little chapped from being in the sun again, and Jensen can taste a mint he must have been sucking on. He licks his way into Jared's mouth, feeling a smug satisfaction when Jared moans into the kiss, fingers digging into Jensen's waist.

Jensen has never kissed a guy out in the open. Even though he knows it's just them, that chances of anyone but Danneel or Chris seeing them close to none, it's an exhilarating thing to do and Jensen never wants to stop. 

He never wants to lose Jared.

+

Three days later, Jensen rides Daisy for the first time. Jared watches him from the sidelines, a proud and happy smile on his face.

"So?" Jared asks once Daisy is back in the stable, following Jensen back outside into the sun. "She's great, right? Didn't make any fuss about having you ride her at all."

"She's great," Jensen agrees. "You did really well with her."

Jared positively beams. "It's all her, man. She's a sweetheart."

"Jay, stop being modest. You worked really hard with her, and you did an amazing job," Jensen says, and he means every word. Jensen has spend all his life on the ranch, but he doubts he could have done what Jared did. He doesn't have the patience, doesn't have the natural connection to horses that Jared does. 

Jared shrugs self-deprecatingly. "It was fun," he says, like that makes it less of an accomplishment and Jensen shakes his head.

"You should be proud of yourself. _I_ am proud of you," he stresses and leans into Jared a little as they walk side by side. "Listen, I was thinking. You know how breaking in horses takes a lot of time and, well, I know a lot of people here who don't really have the time to spare to train their horses. It's probably something you could make money with."

"What? You're saying I should train other people's horses for money?"

Jensen shrugs. "Why not? You're great at it, Jay. You could do it," he says, and he really means it. Jared is great with horses, better than the rest of them are, and seeing him with Daisy has made Jensen realize that even more. 

"You saw me train _one_ horse," Jared counters.

"Yeah, but look at how well you did! Daisy is already a few years old; she wasn't the easiest horse to start with," Jensen says. "Plus, I've seen you with other horses and I know you have years of experience with them."

Jared looks doubtful. He scuffs his boots against the ground, kicking up dust, and shrugs. "Yeah, but it's just stuff my grandpa taught me. I have no real qualification," he says. "There are horse trainers that are actually certified for these kind of things."

"Some, but not all of them," Jensen argues. "It's not something you can learn by reading a book."

"Still, I doubt anyone would trust me with their horses."

"Sure they would. They'd trust me if I vouched for you and I have plenty of connections here. I mean, I'm not saying make a nation-wide business out of this, but you could do some horse training for the ranchers in the area."

"I already have a full-time job," Jared reminds him.

"As a ranch hand," Jensen says, and then bites his lip, hating the way it came out.

It takes him a second or two to realize Jared has stopped walking and when he turns around he finds Jared glaring at him with his arms crossed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Jensen quickly says. "It's just...you were getting a law degree, Jared. You could be anything, and this isn't exactly a glamorous job."

"So you think being a horse trainer would be, what, more impressive?"

Jensen shrugs. "Kinda," he admits. "I don't care about what you do, you gotta know that. I just don't want you to regret this."

It's something that has been plaguing him for a while, before he and Jared got together even. Jared is smart, and Jensen knows he could be anything he wanted to be, and it's hard to believe that this is what Jared wants, that it's all he needs to be happy. Jensen loves the ranch, but the life he can offer Jared isn't perfect. It's long days, hard work, and not the most luxurious of lives.

"Jensen," Jared starts and huffs. "You're an idiot."

"And why is that?"

"Because _I_ don't care either. Yeah, I could have become someone with a fancy job, but I didn't because it's not what I want. It doesn't matter to me how much I earn, or what title my job has. This?" Jared stops to wave his hand around. "It's something I _love_ doing. It might not be fancy, and I might not be rich, but I do work that I love doing, with people who mean a lot to me."

Jensen worries his lip between his teeth and gives Jared his best apologetic look. On an intellectual level, he knows all of this. Jared dropped out of college for a reason and he's not the type of person to care about things like money and a career. But the idea that he is somehow holding Jared back, that Jared is wasting all of his potential on mucking stalls and feeding cows, still sparks worry inside of him.

"Don't you ever think about what else you could have done? What you could be doing right now?" he asks, and Jared curls a hand around Jensen's elbow, shaking it a little.

"No. I'm right where I belong, okay?" he asks, and Jensen sighs.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Jared smiles softly and squeezes his elbow. "You're a moron," he says fondly. "Lucky for you, you're a really cute moron and I like you just the way you are."

"Flaws and all?"

"Flaws and all," Jared repeats and kisses the tip of Jensen's nose.

+

Despite the fact that summer is drawing to a close, the past few weeks of the season are at times almost unbearably hot. The storm that ended with Jared and Jensen having a mud-fight is the only one for several weeks, and everything is dry and dusty, cracks running through the ground and plants and trees slowly becoming less and less lively.

Cold showers, even colder sweet tea and shady trees or the blessedly cool living-room of the main house are their only refuge those days. Jensen keeps watching the sky for clouds, praying it will rain soon.

When it does, the storm that brews is sudden and strong. They know it's coming, so they spend the day preparing for it, and when the evening finally brings dark, heavy clouds, the air crackling with electricity, everyone seems almost giddy with excitement.

The rain comes first, and Jensen stands in the open front door and watches the first fat drops splash down on the ground, feeling a calm wash over him.

"Jensen!" Jared yells from across the driveway, jogging up to the house from the direction of the barn. By the time he gets to the porch, his hair is plastered to his skull and he's grinning like a fool at Jensen.

"What are you doing outside?" Jensen asks, raising his voice to be heard over the rain that is coming down more and more heavy with each passing second.

"Come here," Jared says, beckoning Jensen to join him with a wave of his hand.

"It's raining."

Jared laughs. "No shit," he replies. "Come _here_."

Jensen thinks he should probably protest more, put up a bit of resistance, but instead he steps outside and closes the door behind him. He's accepted that, when it comes to Jared, he always gives in and resisting just prolongs things.

"What now?" he asks when he walks down the steps of the porch. The rain soaks the thin material of his shirt almost immediately, but the water is warm and pleasant on his skin. Jared takes his hand in his and gives him a tug.

"Come on," he says, and Jensen resigns himself to whatever Jared has planned. Jared falls into a light jog, pulling Jensen along. Water splashes up around them each time their boots slap against the ground and Jensen keeps his head down, the rain by now heavy enough that he can barely see anything anyway.

Jared leads them to the barn where they keep their equipment and pushes open the heavy door, ushering Jensen inside.

"Why are we here?" Jensen asks, trying to shake off some of the water. The cracks in the walls of the barn let in some light, but it's dim and cool, and he shivers a little.

"It's a surprise," Jared says, and puts his hands on Jensen's hips, nudging him towards the ladder that leads up to the hayloft.

"Up?" Jensen guesses, and Jared nods.

"Yup."

Jensen sends him one last confused look, but starts climbing up the ladder, Jared following close behind.

It's even darker up in the hayloft, the roof insulated so the bales of hay will stay dry, and there's only a slither of light coming in from an open crack in the door. Jared pushes past him, and walks further into the back of the hayloft, crouching down. He fiddles with something and Jensen blinks when he turns on a battery powered lantern.

Between bales of hay, there's a heap of blankets piled up where Jared is crouching, and Jared picks one of them up when he stands.

"Come here," he murmurs, holding it up. Jensen joins him, smiling a little when Jared wraps him up in the blanket and rubs his arms through it, chasing off the chill.

"This your surprise?" he asks, and Jared gives him a lopsided grin.

"You like it?" he asks, and Jensen shrugs, amused.

"I'm not quite sure what _it_ is, Jay."

The rain outside is beating against the roof of the barn in a steady, fast pattern and in the distance Jensen hears the first rumbling sound of thunder.

Jared puts his hands on Jensen's hips and pulls him in a bit closer. "Well, with the storm and stuff, I thought it would be kinda romantic," he explains.

"Being cooped up in the hayloft?"

Jared gives him a sheepish look. "Uh, having sex in the hayloft."

Jensen looks at him, and bursts into laughter. "You want to fuck up here?" he asks.

Jared ducks down, kisses the corner of Jensen's mouth and traces his tongue along Jensen's jaw, licking away drops of water. Jensen's eyes flutter shut on their own accord, and he tips his head, giving Jared better access. "I do," Jared murmurs into Jensen's ear, squeezing his hips. "God, Jen, I really, really do."

"Seriously?" Jensen asks, but it comes out breathy. Jared sucks at the spot right behind his ear and hums.

"Been thinking about it for a while," he admits. "Spreading you out in the hay, kissing you all over, and then fucking you all deep and slow."

"Fuck, Jared," Jensen moans, turning his head to nuzzle Jared's jaw. Jared seems to take that as agreement, because he pushes the blanket off Jensen's shoulders and kisses him, guiding him down onto the ground.

They kiss lazily at first, exploring each other's mouths. Making out with Jared is quickly becoming one of his favorite things in the world. Jared's kisses are sure and unhurried, like kissing Jensen is the only thing in the world that matters at the time, and Jensen loves it. Loves the way Jared tastes and feels, the way he holds close when they kiss, his ability to leave Jensen breathless and half-hard without even touching him. Now, they're both cold from the rain and it's a sharp contrast to the heat of Jared's mouth, making Jensen's skin break out in goosebumps.

It's not until he starts shivering in earnest, the clammy clothes chilly despite the still warm air, that they break the kiss. A flash of lightning, barely noticeable through the crack of the door, briefly lights up the loft, followed by a loud crack of thunder.

"Let's get these off you," Jared says, sliding a hand under Jensen's t-shirt and pulling it up. Jensen helps him pull it over his head, lifts his hips when Jared draws down his jeans and underwear. He lies back, the blankets bunched up under him, and watches as Jared quickly strips off his own wet clothes and tosses them aside.

His skin is damp and cold when he covers Jensen's body with his again, and Jensen hisses.

"Sorry," Jared mumbles into the skin of his throat, trailing soft kisses down to Jensen's neck. He shifts lower, his belly pressed against Jensen's dick and Jensen arches up into him, Jared's own cock hard and firm against his leg.

"Jay," he groans and rocks up against him. He makes a displeased sound when Jared's weight presses him down, and he can feel bits of straw and hay poking him through the blanket.

"Ow," he complains, and Jared lifts his head from where he's been kissing a path down Jensen's collarbone and frowns.

"Am I hurting you?" he asks, concern written all over his face.

Jensen snorts. "No. The damn straw is," he mutters. Jared raises an eyebrow.

"It's kinda prickly," Jensen adds.

Jared looks down at him with twinkling, amused eyes. "Are you serious? It's prickly?" he repeats. "You're the worst country hick ever. Afraid of hay and cold water and _mud_."

Jensen wrinkles his nose. "Shut up," he mutters, and Jared laughs, the sound mixing with another clap of thunder. "I have sensitive skin, fucker."

"Fine," Jared says. "If you're so fussy to get a little hay on you, I'm more than willing to be the one on the bottom."

It's a fair compromise, and Jensen isn't exactly opposed to having sex with Jared in the hayloft. Despite his teasing, the idea of them up here, naked and dry while the storm outside roars actually is kind of sexy, but he finds himself suddenly reluctant to agree. Since they got together, Jensen has only topped twice and while both times have been good, Jensen likes bottoming. He likes letting Jared take charge, loves taking him inside of him. "I don't," he starts, not sure how to phrase it and feels an embarrassed blush spreading over his cheeks.

"You what?"

"I like you fucking me," Jensen says, and Jared grins. He leans in, brushing his lips against Jensen's cheek.

"Well," he says, drawing the word out, tone teasing. He kisses the shell of Jensen's ear, voice a whisper when he speaks. "Being on top doesn't have to mean you're topping, babe."

"Oh," Jensen replies, and feels a flush spreading through his body. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" Jared asks, and draws Jensen into a kiss without waiting for a reply. He grabs Jensen by the hips and rolls them around, not breaking the kiss, and moans softly when their cocks rub together.

"Better?" he asks when Jensen turns to nuzzle his jaw, stubble prickling against his lips. Jensen nips at his chin in reply, before presses a soothing kiss to the same spot.

"Yeah," he says, and rocks down against Jared. Jared's dick is resting against the crease of his ass, big and hard, and Jensen bites down on his lower lip, suddenly not wanting to wait to get Jared inside him. To slide down that big dick, have it fill him up completely.

"Jared," he whimpers and shifts until Jared's cock slides between his cheeks.

"Fuck," Jared hisses, thrusting up. "Wait. Lube, babe. Condom."

Jensen pulls away, breath coming out heavy. "You have some up here?" 

Jared gives him a look. "You think I remembered blankets and a lamp, but forgot the lube?" he asks, sounding a bit affronted and Jensen shifts impatiently.

"If I apologize for ever doubting you, will you hurry up and fuck me already?" he asks.

Jared grins. "You got yourself a deal, Ackles," he says, and turns his upperbody as he starts rummaging around under a blanket they're not using until he comes up with lube and a condom.

"Tada," he says triumphantly, holding both up. Jensen grabs the lube out of his hands and flips it open, squirting a good amount onto his fingers. He smirks when he sees the wide-eyed look on Jared's face.

"You snooze, you lose," he teases and reaches behind himself.

"Shit," Jared breathes, just as Jensen presses the first finger into his body. Jared's eyes are fixed on his arm, tracking the little movement Jensen is making. Jensen considers putting on a show for him, tickled by how much this seems to be affecting Jared, judging by the twin red splotches appearing high on his cheeks, but he's too turned on and impatient to drag this out. He opens himself up quickly, fingers twisting and scissoring.

"Jensen," Jared grunts. "Fuck, you have any idea how hot you look right now?"

Jensen makes a soft noise in reply, curling his fingers inside of him and letting them brush against his prostate a final time before pulling them out. He grabs the condom from where Jared dropped it on the blanket, and shifts down Jared's body, placing soft kisses down his chest, his sternum.

Jared's cock is laying against his belly, hard and flushed deep red, the tip wet with precome. Jensen blows air against it, fingers curled tightly around the condom, and smiles when Jared moans. He kisses the tip softly, once, before opening his mouth and sucking the head into his mouth.

"God," Jared cries out and his hips lift off the ground. Jensen rests the hand holding the condom on the sharp jut of Jared's hipbone, but doesn't put any pressure on it. Jared stills anyway, and Jensen curls his free hand around his dick, and takes in more of him, letting Jared slide in deep.

Jared moans, his hands coming up to cup the back of Jensen's head. Jensen hums around him and bobs his head up and down a few times, slow and teasing. Jared feels huge in his mouth, the weight and taste familiar by now. Jensen loves sucking his cock, loves how powerful he feels driving Jared crazy with his mouth, bringing him pleasure and drawing the sweetest noises from him.

"Jensen," Jared pants, voice needy and urgent, and Jensen slowly lifts off him. He licks a broad stripe up his dick, placing a few, soft kisses against him before pulling back. Jared is breathing hard, chest rising and falling, and his skin flushed. Jensen rips open the condom wrapper, foil crinkling as he casts it aside, and rolls the rubber down Jared's dick.

It takes him a moment to relocate the lube, and he squirts some on his hand, not waiting for it to warm up before he spreads it over Jared.

He straddles Jared again, one hand on Jared's chest to steady himself as he reaches behind him and curls his fingers around Jared's dick, Jared's hands coming up to his hips.

They lock gazes as Jensen lowers himself onto him, hand guiding Jared inside. It feels amazing, Jared stretching him wide as Jensen sinks down until Jared is all the way inside of him.

"Holy hell," Jared pants and Jensen would agree if his brain could form words. Jared feels even bigger in this position, firm and insistent, and Jensen's whole body feels on fire, muscles strung tight. He rests his second hand on Jared's chest, taking a few, steadying breaths, before he pushes himself up and then lowers himself again slowly. Jared's cock drags against his prostate, and Jensen moans, repeating the motion.

Jared is biting down on his lower lip, but he doesn't start moving until Jensen has set a pace. They move together, Jensen working himself up and down on Jared's cock as Jared thrusts up into him, matching his rhythm.

"Jared," Jensen groans, sweat trickling down the side of his face, pleasure burning through his body. The muscles of his thighs are starting to ache, but it feels too good for him to care. Jared tightens his hold on him, fingers digging deep into the flesh of Jensen's ass, and the thought that it'll leave marks, perfect imprints of Jared's fingers, makes Jensen moan.

His movements become sloppier, heavier, and Jared thrusts up harder in turn, pumping up into Jensen. Jensen comes first, untouched, throwing his head back and crying out, hot white pleasure shooting through him, and Jared follows suit, holding Jensen down so he is fully buried inside him.

Jensen slumps forward, wrung out and boneless, and groans into Jared's chest. Blood is pounding in his ears, fast and erratic, and he pants, rubbing his face against Jared's skin.

"God," he mutters, and Jared pats his hair, movements uncoordinated.

"We are going to do that more often," he says, breathless. Jensen shifts, Jared's cock sliding out a little, and reaches back, holding down the condom as he pulls off Jared.

"Me riding you or sex in the hayloft?" he asks drowsily, cuddling up half on top of Jared, head pillowed on his shoulder.

"Both. Either," Jared replies and kisses his forehead. They lie together for a while, Jared's hand tracing patterns up and down Jensen's side, and Jensen lets his eyes slide closed for a few moments, content to just lay there.

He's on the verge of falling asleep when Jared shifts, hand brushing over Jensen's ribcage.

"Hey," he says softly, and Jensen blinks his eyes open, tips his head back.

"Hey," he echoes and presses a sloppy kiss to Jared's chin. The rain is still falling outside, drops slapping against the roof above them, but the thunderstorm seems to have moved on, nothing more but the occasional rumbling sound in the distance.

"Cold?" Jared asks, brushing the tip of a finger down Jensen's arm, leaving a line of goosebumps on his skin.

"Just a little," Jensen says. "I'm good."

Jared hums and moves around, pulling one of the blankets over them. Jensen sighs contently and rests his cheek back down against Jared's shoulder when he stops moving.

"I realized something," Jared says softly, arms securely wrapped around Jensen.

"Hmm, what?"

"The other day, when you brought up the horse training thing?"

"Yeah?" Jensen asks, and feels his stomach twist a little, suddenly not sure where this conversation is going.

"I kind of hinted at it, several times now, but I never actually outright said it and I think maybe I should," Jared starts. "I have no intention of leaving this place, Jensen. Not now or any time in the future. You know that, right?"

Jensen exhales, relief flooding through him. He turns his head, pressing his lips to Jared's pecks, and closes his eyes for a moment. He hadn't known – he'd hoped, had wished for it, but he hadn't been completely sure. "I do now," he whispers.

Jared tightens his arms around him. "Well, I don't," he says. "You're stuck with me."

Jensen smiles and lifts his head, meeting Jared's eyes. "Good," he replies. "'Cause I have no intention of ever letting you go without a fight."

They smile and Jensen pulls Jared into a short, sweet kiss before he lies back down again. He closes his eyes. The air is considerably cooler now, but Jared is warm, their bodies pressed close from head to toe. It smells like hay and sweat and sex and Jared.

In that moment, lying in the hayloft with Jared, life is perfect.


End file.
